Friday, August 03, 2007

I Can Has Chantix?

Well, the Chantix came home with me today. Happy belated birthday, dear husband of mine! Here's to many, MANY more years before us, free from these nasty little cancer sticks.

Sad thing is, I can call them "cancer sticks," I know they're bad for me, I hate the stench, I hate what they do to me, but I still. Freaking. Want. Them.

What led to the Great Chantix Experiment is that I found a very old, stale, nearly full pack of cigarettes in our kitchen. Yipes!

My husband and I looked at them. And looked at them.

Himself: They're stale.

Me: I know.

Himself: We've gone more than two days.

Me: I know.

Himself: We can do this.

Me: I know.

Me, five minutes later, firing one up in the back yard... sigh. Guilty bliss.

I went to Himself, thrust the pack into his hands and said, "Get rid of these. I can't take it. Make them go away."

Dude took me at my word. I came home yesterday and went to the garage to get something out of the chest freezer. The first thing that hit me was the distinctive smell of stale cigarette smoke.

"You've been smoking!"

"I've only smoked some butts out of my ashtray."

"Uh huh. Then why is the pack I gave you to make 'go away' half empty?"

Himself hung his head.

We finished them off that night. With great glee, I might add.

I hate this addiction. I hate how I still like smoking.

Ergo, the Chantix. We sincerely do want to quit smoking, but apparently are unable to do it on our own. We're hoping the Chantix will help kill off the "Gosh, smoking's FUN!" feeling and get us on the more realistic path of "And I want to suck smoke into my lungs because why???" frame of mind.

Here we go. Life is and will be GOOD!


maggie's mind said...

Yep, been there. Nothing makes you feel like more of an addict than smoking stale cigarettes (or smoking old stale butts - which, sadly, I've done). I do hope that the Chantix will help. Most people still have to work pretty hard because it still isn't easy, but if you are revved up enough for it and are willing to cooperate fully even through the rugged times (even on Chantix), then it can absolutely and most definitely make it easier to resist things like stale cigarettes or old butts than without the extra boost of support.

Good luck, and thanks for the reminder. I forget about these things sometimes.

Amanda said...

Maggie, I hear ya. And actually, the other times I've quit, smoking stale butts has been like the dying cry of my smoking days.

But that was when I was pregnant and quitting. I couldn't keep smoking while pregnant. Apparently some things still get get my brain beyond the addict mentality, but not the absolute reality that smoking is bad for me.


So, I need help. Medical/ drug help. I accept that. And thanks for the good luck wishes. We'll take all we can get!

Stan said...

Something you really need to understand is that you simply CANNOT and don't want to kill yourself. Smoking kills you. So you cannot and don't want to smoke. That easy.

Be honest and open with yourself. See past the surface. You - the real you - can't possibly be thinking HALF the stuff you may be thinking right now! :)

I know you can do this...and I know how hard it is. I'm so happy for you, though, as I've recently watched some videos of people dying with lung cancer, and that's truly scary. The link is over at Maggie's blog.

And thank you for your kind words/comments. That means the world to me.

Scott said...

I think you can do it. I know you can do it. After 12 weeks of Chantix, you are going to walk past places that sell death sticks and wish you were holding a bazooka to eliminate the threat to other people (because in 12 weeks, it won't be a threat to you!). You won't ever want to step foot in another bowling alley or bar because the Marlboro smog with make you want to vomit. YOU CAN DO IT!