Sunday, August 26, 2007


You know those fine people out there who are utterly convinced of the perfection of their offspring? The ones who, when approached about the misbehavior of Little Pwecious, are insistant that surely THEIR child couldn't have done anything so heinous?

Yeah, well, I'm not one of those parents.

Both of the offspring (darling little toads that they are) tried to put one over on me last week.

Let's just say they failed in their attempts.

Attempt No.1, by No. 1 Son
My elder son has been off track for the past three weeks. Now what this means to those of you who have kids with normal school schedules is that his school is scheduled by "track," which has the school open year-round. They're on nine weeks, then off for three, or thereabouts, with one longer stretch akin to summer vacation for each track.

Two of the tracks have their long stretch over the summer. Our track? His long vacation is from Thanksgiving to the New Year.

Anyway, his particular track (which is obviously warped anyway) went back for the new school year about four-and-a-half weeks ago. They were in school for a week and a half, then went off track for three weeks.

I mentioned warped, right?

Well, anyway, while he was on-track, the Elder kept saying he had a stomachache each morning. However, miraculously, the moment he went off-track, he was cured!

Then Thursday arrived.

"Mommy, I have a stomachache," was accompanied by weak groans and a constipated looking expression.

"Really?" I raised my eyebrow. "You know, I find it amazing that for the entire three weeks you were off-track you didn't have a single stomachache, but today on the first day you're going back to class, you suddenly have a stomachache again."

He lost the pained look and comprehension flashed across his pwecious widdle face.


I've heard nothing about stomachaches since.

Attempt No. 2, by No. 2 Son
Now as those of you who have more than one child know, with each additional child you're not just getting one more darling child to care for, you're also putting the additional element of the relationship between the new child and the existing child into play, which makes it more than twice as challenging going from one child to two.

I hear once you've gone to three kids you might as well have four because at that point you're so outnumbered you might as well just give in.

I'm totally not putting that to the test.

Anyway, and I know this comes as a shock to some of you, but sometimes children lie to get each other in trouble!

Yes, it's true. I'll pause a moment for that to sink in.

. . .

I had dropped the Elder off at school and the Younger and I arrived at his daycare. We walked in the door, and my beloved second son bonked into something while his daycare teacher and I were talking.

Dramatic sobs.

"Mommy! Michael pushed me!"

Ms. P and I looked at each other and then quickly looked away before we laughed out loud.

"Uhm, sweetie? Your brother's at school."

Dawning comprehension on sweet little four-year-old face.

"There's no way he could have pushed you."


"Oh. Weww, it weawwy huwted." *

Because that, obviously, is a perfectly good reason to blame your elder brother for injuring you from over a five-mile distance.


It's no wonder my colorist makes a killing off me.

*Note: This says "Oh. Well, it really hurted." for anyone who isn't fluent in preschooler-ese.


tz said...

when we were in seattle our youngest passed gas and blamed the smell on the dog, who was still at home in colorado....hmmmm

don't those little ones just make you laugh though!

fishwithoutbicycle said...

That's so funny. Kids are so devious. I was surprised by my nephew's naturally manipulative streak when he was younger. He was always trying to get one over on me.

"Mum said I could have one"
"Did she now? Shall we call her at work and ask her?"
"Ummmm. No."

I love the sarcasm of your posts.

Amanda said...

TZ, LOL! Yeah, my younger one has tried to blame the gas passing on his brother as well. Which totally doesn't work when his brother isn't there.

And Fish, oy, you aren't kidding! They'll keep you on your toes.

Heh... and thanks. We do attempt to amuse :)

Awesome Mom said...

Those are such funny examples of the things kids try and pull. Harry and Evan are not quite as subtle about trying to get away with things just yet, but I know Evan is learning very quickly.

Mauigirl said...

Kids say the darndest things!

Yes, they do lie. I once was babysitting for two little boys when I was an inexperienced little 15-year-old. The younger one was about 4 or 5 years old and he asked me if he could have some maraschino cherries from a jar in the refrigerator. Idiot that I was, I asked "Does your mother let you have them?" so he said yes! So I let him eat them. All of them. The entire jar. And of course he barfed them all up - on a white tablecloth in the dining room! I put the cloth in the tub to soak and the people were none too pleased when they arrived home. And surprise - they never had me babysit again! Too bad, too, because they paid a whole dollar an hour and had color TV! (This was in the late 60's, I'm old).

Mark said...

With 7 kids, I've found that the boys always try to blame one of thier siblings for something. If it's something down low the twins blame the youngest, if it's up high the blame the oldest. I caught them both in the act the other day and they told me they were "Cleaning it up" after thier younger brother, yeah right. never mind that I had been sticking my head around the corner for 5 minutes because to quote Shrek, "It's Too Quiet."

Fraochán said...

Oh yes...I remember trying to pull fast ones on my mom all the time. She caught me 99% of the time.....always claiming "she had eyes in the back of her head"....which my little brother always tried to find...with no luck.