Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Breaking Up

Oh so many layers upon layers of meaning in that title today. I swear I'm about to snap. But actually there's a very good reason for my "on the edge" feeling... good in both the "valid" and good as in the "positive life decision" aspects:

My husband and I quit smoking.

Last night we sat and sucked down all the cigarettes we had left in the house; we woke up this morning smoke-free. Oh happiness, joy and freedom!

Well, not quite the happiness yet.

I swear, it took me three pieces of Nicorette before I quit wanting to kill someone this morning. My husband, on the other hand, was subsisting on bubblegum and other munchies when I called to check on him around noon, and appeared to be doing fine. However, I did tell him that if he happened to be in a foul enough mood this evening I was going to pry open his jaws and forcibly feed him the Nicorette.

I got home around 6:40 p.m. He'd run out of munchies around 4:00.

There was no jaw-prying necessary because he snatched the packet out of my hand and practically crammed the entire thing, foil and all, into his mouth.

He's only slightly less homicidal right now.

I keep reaching for cigarettes that aren't there. Pa-THE-TIC!

What I'm not going to miss is the god-awful stench, the nicotine stains on my fingers, the funky "ate-up" feeling in my mouth, the breath, and the knowledge that each and every time I fire up, I'm definitely (not just possibly) knocking more time off my life.

My great-uncle died from emphysema. My grandfather died from early complications of lung cancer. My grandmother had COPD, and now so does my mother.

It's too late for me even now, in a sense. Looking at my genetics, I've likely already caused my lungs permanent damage. But at least by stopping now, hopefully it will stave off more damage.

That said, if someone handed me a cigarette right now? I'd look at it, feel disappointed in myself, and fire that sucker up.

Dammit.


Yep, breaking up is hard to do.

10 comments:

Babs RN said...

Girl, get you some Chantix. Seriously.

Awesome Mom said...

Good for you both!! I hope that you make it through with out killing each other.

MonkeyGirl said...

Good for you. The world around me hid under their respective beds and whimpered in fear for two weeks when I quit last year. I'm so happy to not be coughing up my lungs every morning anymore.

{{{{waves of cyber-support heading your way}}}}

Ambulance Driver said...

"It's too late for me even now, in a sense. Looking at my genetics, I've likely already caused my lungs permanent damage. But at least by stopping now, hopefully it will stave off more damage."

Nah. Unless you've been diagnosed with a chronic lung disease already, your health risk in 5 years will be the same as someone who has never smoked.

And ditto what Babs said - get thee some Chantix.

Mauigirl said...

Congratulations! You will definitely feel better. Also? It takes 3 days to get over the real addiction. After that you're just fighting the habit.

I quit 25 years ago - and would you believe I still have an occasional dream where I have a cigarette? But I don't miss it in regular life. Except maybe when someone lights one up and it smells really good for a minute...

The way I quit was to tell myself I could always start again if I wanted to. And I never did.

Angel said...

Yeah!!! I am so happy for you and proud of you!

I can only imagine how hard this is (I imagine it's like my lyrica withdrawal times 100).

GoalieMan and I are cheering you & hubby on!!!

((((((Big squeeze))))))

Femail doc said...

Go Amanda! This is absolutely the best thing you could do for yourself. Ditto Mauigirl--that's how I got thru each day when I quit, telling myself I could always start again tomorrow.

Emphysema is horrific--got a husband at home with it now. He quit New Year's Eve, about five years too late to hope for even a semblance of a life.

Rural Felicity said...

That is awesome!! And it's wonderful your husband is breaking up with you. Hah! That doesn't sound good, does it?! But it is great you are in this together.

Wishing you the best of success!

tz said...

Congratulations! Ambulance guy is right...we actually just learned about that in pathophysiology, your cells will regenerate and eventually the mutated ones will disappear and the good ones meant to be there will reappear. and you will be a healthy happy camper soon.

I know it's a hard battle, I'm pulling for you!

fishwithoutbicycle said...

Best of luck!!!