Saturday, June 09, 2007

Preparation 'H'

Trip Preparation Hell:

6:00 a.m.
Wake up.

"Holy F***!"

6:01 a.m.
Oh wait. Saturday. Hit snooze. Sleep.

7:00 a.m.
Wake up.

"Shit!"

7:01 a.m.
Oh yeah, still Saturday. Hit snooze. Almost sleep.

7:15 a.m.
Eight-year-old creeps into master bedroom, small female cat in arms. Elder son places said feline on maternal unit. Emily proceeds to knead her mother into wakefulness.

8 headbutts and 2 jawn-nibbles until consciousness is established.

7:20 a.m.
Fever, 99. Better. Aspirin.

7:25 a.m.
Coffee, coffee... black. Too tired/lazy/sick to put anything in it.

7:30 a.m. - 12:00 noon
Feed kids x2. Scoop litter boxes. Herd cats out of litter boxes while scooping.

Freshen Their Highnesses' water.

Field queries from offspring in re: when we are going shopping.

Check out e-mail, blogs.

Clean cat diarrhea from family room carpet. Someone left out the cheese. Voting for four-year-old.

Try explaining to shorter humans that cats and cheese do not mix.

Stare hazily at computer. Undercaffeinated still.

Refill coffee. Head clearing. Hate cold meds.

Field queries from offspring in re: when we are going shopping. Again.

Go to bedroom to get dressed.

Herd Daniel out of bedroom. Observe Patrick sneaking in.

Herd Patrick out of bedroom. Rip out own hair as Daniel marches back in, and almost makes it to the bathroom to watch his favorite program (apparently showing in the toilet bowl) before he's caught again.

Small female cat in the hallway snickers at her mommy and brothers. Then darts into the bedroom.

Give up herding cats.

Get dressed.

12:01 p.m.
Herd non-cat children to car.

Car still running strangely. Air conditioner now struggling.

This does not bode well.

3:30 p.m.
Return home, unload car.

3:45 p.m.
"Mo-om! Something gross is in the bathroom! It looks like cat poop, and it's a big puddle."

Go to hall bathroom.

Verify cat poop. Diarrhea again.

Blaming Patrick.

Unhook shower curtain which has managed to dip itself into cat poop. Wash curtain.

Scrub yuck from floor. Clean toilet since it's close anyway.

4:00 p.m.
Inform offspring that next cheese-induced cat accidents will be their responsibility to clean up.

Observe appalled/disgusted small faces with guilty satisfaction.

4:30 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.
Start offspring on packing for trip.

To four-year-old: "Sweetie, you will need to pack more than underpants and Transformers for the trip. And where did you get those underpants? Oh, from your hamper. They're dirty. No, we can't just wash them there. Yes, I'll wash them before we go. Give them to me."

To eight-year-old, "You may not call your brother stupid for packing dirty underwear. Your brother is four. Four-year-olds do things differently than eight-year-olds. When you were four you thought it was perfectly reasonable to wear a potato in your underpants."

Walk away from sputtering eight-year-old.

Check e-mail, blogs.

Feed kids dinner.

Look longingly at box where shiny new laptop is stored. File away hardware lust for later.

8:00 p.m.
Put four-year-old to bed.

"No, you cannot sleep in Mommy's bed. Because Daddy doesn't have any room then. No, Daddy doesn't want to sleep in your bed."

Note elder son walking in circles while reading his book.

Remember that when I was eight, I used to read standing on my head.

Stop worrying about elder son. Ruffle his hair in passing. Receive gorgeous gap-toothed grin in response.

8:20 p.m.
Post blog entry.

4 comments:

Babs RN said...

lol..very cool. And a new laptop - a new toy!! Sweet!

Amanda said...

Thanks Babs :) I tell ya, there's nothing like the smell of new electronics!

I'm such a freaking geek. Heh.

Angel said...

Oh God I need a nap after reading all that!!

UGHHH I hope you and the kidlets and the cats are feeling VERY much better by now. Sending lots of healthy vibes (I think I can spare a few) your way!

I hope you have a fabulous trip! (((Hugs)))

Amanda said...

Angel,

I was the teensiest bit tired myself last night... but I got caught up in a new murder mystery and was reading until 2:00 a.m.

Yes, I'm a dork. And a somewhat tired one at that. But dang, that book was good!

Thanks for the good wishes! Hugs backatcha :)