Just Three More Hours

Tonight after work:

• 5:05 - Pick up the dog.
• 5:25 - Pick up the Elder.
• 5:40 - Pick up the Gum Zombie.
• 5:45 - Arrive home.
  
• Let dog out back.
  
• Feed snack to Offspring.
  
• Scoop litter boxes. Have staring contest with cats.
  
• Let dog back in.
• 6:00 - Leave for the Elder's middle school's Open House.
• 6:30 - Open House begins.
  
• Continue cursing under my breath because the middle school and the words "adequate parking" are never to be found in the same sentence unless joined by a negative.
• During mandatory PTSO meeting, wonder why in the world Herff Jones is selling middle school class rings. Holy crap.
  
• 8:00 - Open House ends.
  
• Attempt not to be run over by the several hundred other parents who've also missed their dinners and are desperately trying to be first to get to their cars to hit the McDonald's drive through.
• Feed children.
  
• Take out dog.
• Staring contest with cats. Someone used the litter box again. Pungently.
  
• 8:45 - Showers for both boys.
  
• 9:00 - Gum Zombie's bedtime is ignored because he has a spelling test in the morning and needs to study his words. Yes, he could study them in day care. No, he won't do it. Why? Because he's seven. And balky.
  
• 9:30 - Put Gum Zombie to bed, because all the studying in the world won't help the child if he's too tired to remember what he's learned.
• 9:45 - Finally get on the treadmill for W1D2 of C25K.
  
• 9:46 - Stop the treadmill to answer the phone. Choreboy's on his way home. Put on coffee prior to his arrival.
• 9:50 - Get back on the treadmill.
• 10:00 - Off the treadmill to greet Choreboy. Elder's bedtime. "Yes, now. Yes I mean it. No you may not watch the rest of WWE. I don't care what CM Punk is doing tonight."
• 10:10 - Kick side of treadmill. Get back on.
  
• 11:10 - Stumble off of treadmill after post C25K walk. Shower. Wash hair.
• Midnight - Remember I haven't eaten dinner yet.
  

So yeah... I'd like just three more hours for this evening, please. That's all.

Clarity

I'm not going to weigh in this Friday.

I don't even know if I'll weigh in at the beginning of November, which was my original goal date.

What I do know is that right now I'm hovering around 150. Whether that's above or below is up in the air, but I can tell the ballpark from how my pants are fitting. And not to be too graphic, but I can also tell from how the skin sits on my abdomen. I don't have a huge amount of redundant skin at this point, but my time in obesity (sounds like a prison sentence) combined with two pregnancies where, if eating were a gauge, I should have been Octomom twice... well, it's going to take its toll somehow.

So anyway, I recognize the draping pattern of my skin, and that tells me I'm right at 150, probably a bit below.

If I saw that on the scale there would be fallout of the negative sort, but not knowing what the scale says is really helping me to stay on track. If I weighed myself I'm sure I'd overeat. And I'd do it because either a) eating well for x-number of weeks obviously hasn't done any good, so I might as well enjoy myself, or b) I've done so well that I deserve to eat, dangit!

Yeah. Not good. And I wish I weren't like that because I'd really like to know what I weigh, but there you have it.

So instead I'm going to get on the treadmill tonight and do the first night of C25K again, after nine months off from running after my stress fractures (for the record my bone density test came back just fine, so my doctor and I have collectively thrown our hands in the air for a cause). And then I'll ignore the fried chicken sitting in the fridge (I've been ignoring it since I bought it -- it's for the boys in the house), and the chili, and instead I'll dive for the Moroccan chickpeas and quinoa, and half an avocado.

And if I must, I still have the calorie allotment for one Biscoff cookie, and as much black coffee as I can hold.

Anyone else who has a twisted relationship with the scale, however it works, please share. Quirkiness loves company ;)

Okay, I'm dressed, I'm hydrated, and I'm off. See you on the other side!

Yes!

I have totally kicked ass this week.

I finally got back on my cardio because my knee is behaving itself again. I'm at 100% on the treadmill and about 80% on the elliptical, even with the time I had to take off. The downside of this is that it could mean that my body is really efficient at adapting, which is a total bummer for my metabolism.

Fortunately, I'm not shocked. It just means I have to continue to make physical activity a priority, which can get a bit sketchy with the way my joints like to behave, but if my grandmother (God rest her soul) could walk six miles a day at age eighty with severe spinal arthritis, I think I've got the genetics and the gumption to soldier on through.

My food has been on point as well. Among other things I've had Moroccan style spicy chickpeas with cilantro-lime quinoa and avocado; salmon with a dijon-dill sauce*, brown rice and quinoa, and broccoli; and tonight I'm making chili (no beans, because other than chickpeas they are The Sum Of All Evils) with 93% lean ground beef. The chili's kind of a one-off, but whereas the chickpeas and the salmon were multi-day meals (3 on the former, 2 on the latter), I'll only be eating the chili tonight. And tomorrow I'll either make another batch of chickpeas, or hit up the mustard maple pork tenderloin (recipe here -- it's awesome).

With breakfast and lunch I'm extremely boring. Most days I have an egg for breakfast, along with some form of whole grain (seeded wheat bread or perhaps some Kashi), dairy (nonfat milk or yogurt), and fruit. Lunch tends to be 2 oz. of a lean meat on a sandwich thin, one slice of cheese, more mustard than the law should allow, a HUGE bunch of grapes, and 3 pickle spears.

Snacks revolve around chocolate. I tell myself it's health food because it's over 80% cacao. Hee.

All in all, my daily calories hover around 1430 (my SparkPeople range is set at 1320 - 1670), and with exercising at a minimum burn of 2000 calories per week (low end is 5x/ week @ 400 calories each session), I can live with that.

I still have no idea what I weigh. It was close this week because I am extremely curious, considering how some of my jeans are fitting (loose-ish), but I didn't cave. And now I'm thinking... do I really want to weigh in next Friday? I know how my mind works, and if I'm below 150 that's a huge trigger where I have historically said, "Yes! Under 150! I can eat again!" and massive potato chip and Reese's consumption ensues.

I just don't want to go there.

I have been fighting this last twenty pounds for three years. The first fifty came off within a year, but I've been yo-yo-ing between 145 - 155 (with a few higher spikes) since fall of 2007. ARRRRGH. So perhaps I'll just keep on tracking my food and exercising, but not weigh myself.

It's still up for debate. I'll figure it out.

*1 lb salmon fillet
1/2 cup reduced fat sour cream
2 TBSP dijon mustard,
2 TBSP lemon juice
2 TBSP freshly chopped dill
1 bunch of chives, chopped

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.

Rinse fillet, pat dry, and place in the bottom of a 2 qt. glass casserole dish (I spray my dish first with a cooking spray). Salt and pepper fillet to taste.

Whisk together sour cream, mustard, lemon juice, and dill, until thoroughly blended. Spoon over fillet and smooth until entire piece of fish is evenly covered. Sprinkle chives over the top. Place in oven and bake for 20 minutes or until the fillet flakes easily with a fork. Serves 4 unless you're pigs (which we are) in which case it serves 2. Or maybe 3. If you're lucky.

De-Mucking

Ooof. Sorry for the radio silence, y'all. We had a nasty run-in with impetigo (I know! eewwww!!!) and I've been so skeeved out that I could barely think without my brain going into squick-out mode.

On the plus side my house is now practically sterile, and my pediatrician confirmed that washing the bath mat every day was probably overkill. Anyway, since I had already de-bacteriafied the main living part of the house, the hall bathroom and both boys' bedrooms (only one had it and for his privacy's sake I'll not say which one), this weekend I was inspired to hit up the master bedroom.

Let's just say it was past due.

In the end of it all, I scraped out the entire room including my dresser drawers and closet. Choreboy lacks my hoarding tendencies and thus was not part of the Grand De-Mucking outside of moral support and vacuuming assistance. I ended up trashing a small garbage bag worth of clothes and filling a HUGE -- I think 37 gallon? -- bag for donating. I also went into the bathroom vanity and threw out fully 75% of the junk under the sink.

All my clothes fit in my drawers and closet. My shoes are also in the closet rather than piled by my dresser.

Choreboy can't stop smiling. I can't say I blame him.

Oh, and just as a general note? After age forty it is perfectly acceptable to throw away the plaid dress with the Peter Pan collar, the teal paisley number with shoulder pads, and the Flashdance sweaters.

Yes I totally had to have that conversation with myself.

Thursday

Well, in the Gum Zombie's elementary school's continuing quest to drive me completely around the bend, they just sent home the reminder about tonight's open house last night.

I know, I know, we're all grown ups and should have looked this up on the school website (which they update maybe once a year... in May), but seriously? Sending the reminder home the night before? Just not bright. Try the beginning of the week, kids. Most of us try to pay attention, but when you throw this on our [overloaded] plates less than 24 hours in advance, we get a bit skittish.

Choreboy has valiantly offered to accompany me, to help keep me in line. Otherwise I'd likely sit and read a book through the entire PTA meeting.

Shame for me to ignore the whole thing. Yes, I'm trying to convince myself of that.

--------------------------

In other news, food went well this week. I've still not weighed myself and I count that as a bit of a victory as well. My brother told me on Labor Day that my face looks the thinnest he's seen it in recent memory.

I think he needs glasses. But I'll take it.

My knee is improving, thank goodness. One more week off it and I hope to be back on track with my cardio. And Choreboy's job situation just improved exponentially, which means I can finally breathe again.

Whew :)

Ooops, my reminder to gather the office garbage just popped up. Better get a move on. Have an awesome weekend!

Why Yes, Yes I Do Want a Medal for That

Accomplishments for the day:

• Got out of bed (after a three day weekend, this is not to be discounted).
• Remembered to buy cat food during lunch hour (we will be permitted to live another day).
• Balanced all bank accounts at the office (first try, thank you very much).
• Cooked dinner when I got home (Pizza Hut misses me).
• While supervising the Elder's homework, did NOT fall into the trap of doing the assignment for him (took twenty minutes instead of two).

It's the last one that inspired the title.

News and Events

First and most importantly my niece, the Divine Miss M, was born at 4:04 this morning somewhere in NYC. 7 lbs, 13 oz, 9 APGAR.

My baby sister is a mommy. Her adorable husband is a father. Those two had better get over the birth rush fast, because auntie wants pictures STAT. And yes, I'm grinning from ear-to-ear.

---------------------------------

In other news, I'm taking a scale vacation this month; next weigh-in will be October 1st. I've noticed that whenever I get below 150 I seem to go a little nuts and invariably react with a "Hey, I can eat whatever I want now!" attitude. Considering I won't be at goal until 130? That's simply not a good idea. So instead, during September I am going to focus really closely on my eating and exercise (cardio subject to my knee not being a pain in the... well, knee) and ignore the scale. I will still be tracking everything that goes into my mouth, and recording everything I do physically.

I just finally reached the point where I realized something had to give. There is truth in the old saw, "Doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results is the very definition of insanity." For me to continue on that cycle would be utterly counterproductive, so a switch-up is definitely in order. I also freed myself from the last weeknight commitment under my control so that I have more flexibility with my family time and exercise schedule.

I'm already breathing a bit more easily.

Okay, time to tell the boys their newest cousin has arrived and field any questions about "Just where does the baby come out, Mommy?"

Hmm. Maybe coffee first...

Opting Out

Occasionally I wonder why I left the teaching field. I loved the actual teaching, nutty as some situations could get ("Yes sir, your son really did cough the words 'bullshit'. No sir, I am not making this up. No, I would not agree that children always try this stuff at home with their parents first. Yes, your precious snowflake really did curse outright in my class, and the fact that you coach soccer with the vice principal and called him (because your dear boy called you on the pay phone on his way to the office) means nothing. So sorry!"). I mean, if I were still teaching I'd have the summers to be with my children, the daycare issues involved with school holidays that don't match up with my office's holidays would be minimal. I'd be nearly ensured of employment, with reasonable healthcare available as well as a state pension. What in the world was I thinking by leaving?

Then I run into idiocy with my children's schools, and it all comes back to me.

The Elder started middle school this year -- at the same school where I used to teach, no less -- and so far it's been great. He's in the accelerated program, he enjoys his teachers and classes, and overall I'm pleased and relieved.

So the problem isn't academic. No, the problem is a couple of the endless forms we're to fill out at the beginning of every school year. Now I'm not going to bitch about all the forms -- that's a separate post in and of itself, and really, on the whole I'm accustomed to them after my years of indoctrination (although WHY they can't at least make them fillable PDFs available on the school website so we could just type in the info and print those suckers out, then edit for subsequent children/ years is beyond me). What I'm not accustomed to is being told I must fill out an opt-out form...

...when I'm not opting my child out of that particular, erm, option.

Yes it hurt me to type that.

But that's what I am told I must do. See, there are three pages at the back of the Code of Conduct with space for a parent's signature. One is an acknowledgment that we have received and read the Code of Conduct and agree to be bound by it regarding our children's behavior and consequences for same. No problem. I signed it.

The other two forms are "Opt-Out" forms, one for directory information (controlling who may access information to your child, such as colleges and the military) and the other is for technology (can your kid use the school computers? appear in the yearbook? etc.). Initially I didn't fill out either of these forms, as I wasn't going to restrict the Elder's information or his technology access.

Then the child comes home with the Directory Information Opt-Out form and tells me his teacher said I had to sign it. I figured if she was pushing it this hard then perhaps I should look at it more closely. I decided I'd require that I be contacted if colleges or the military wanted his information, because hey, if the teacher is pushing this it seems perhaps I was too hasty in leaving his information available.

Okay, fine.

So yesterday I get the Technology Opt-Out form back from this same teacher, with a post-it affixed saying "To Elder Offspring's Parents: You must fill out the top of this form and sign the bottom. Pick one of items 1-5 only if you are interested."

The school board itself doesn't appear to require that I fill out this form unless I wish my child's access to be restricted, and I base my belief on this line, which appears at the top of the form in question:

"Students will have the privileges listed below unless this Image and Technology Opt-Out Form is submitted by the Parent/Guardian."

In spite of this line, I'm being told I must fill out this opt-out form, sign it, and leave it blank. Doesn't matter that I am not choosing to opt my child out (the double to quadruple negatives necessary to even discuss this are making me crazy). Nope!

Have I completely lost my mind? Because seriously, this isn't a hill I would normally choose to die on, but holy crap. I know this isn't a school board requirement because I haven't ever had to fill these forms out before (and leave them blank!!!), and I've had kids in the public schools for years.

So I wrote the teacher a nice letter explaining that I couldn't in good conscience fill out an opt-out form when I did not wish to opt my child out of anything, and due to my time as a legal secretary I was extremely uneasy signing an essentially blank form (which could then be checked off willy-nilly and then waved around as proof that I'd chosen to opt-out my child when I did nothing of the sort), and I hoped the attached Affidavit of Receipt, which I personally composed and signed, would do in its stead. I also attached all my contact information for their convenience in case they felt this matter merited further discussion.

Hopefully they'll just look at the letter with its myriad attachments and decide arguing with me about this would be more trouble than it's worth.

What a way to start off the year. I'd better toss a few more bucks into the Elder's therapy fund...

Holding Steady

Well, in spite of this week's earlier lunacy I'm holding steady at 149.999999999999999999. I'll take it.

Physical activity has been off. The good news is that on Tuesday I managed 20 minutes straight on the elliptical for the first time. The bad news is that my right knee is now giving me fits -- not from the workout but from some repetitive motion stuff at the office -- so I've had to give it a rest since. So because my ability to do cardio is compromised, I've actually been even more careful with my food than I would be. In light of the Steak & Shake and Denny's events earlier, this is likely a very good thing.

Other than all that, I've been a bit distracted of late. Choreboy's job has been... erm, well I think the technical term is "ooky", so we've both been stressing over that. Fortunately he's got two good leads on alternate employment and we're hopeful one of those will pan out in short order. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't on edge, though. I'm about ready to chew a hole through my cheek. I'd love to self-medicate on a dozen or so cookies (or alternately, a vat of wine) but have thus far restrained myself to a judicious intake of dark chocolate.

Oh, but on the good news front both boys seem to be doing well so far this school year. Hooray! The Elder is settling into sixth grade well, and the Gum Zombie (outside of already being noted as "talkative"... there's a shocker) is enjoying his year so far as well.

Let's hope all this continues.

I'm hanging in there. We'll see what the next week brings. Have a good one, y'all!

Ponderings and Plans

It's unbelievably dark outside. Practically twilight-dark. The air is too heavy to move... too wet. It's the kind of day when I'd like to be at home, curled up on the couch.

Instead I'm sitting here at my desk at work. But I've got a window. That can't be discounted. And it's a spectacular showcase for the incoming storm.

Bring it on.

-------------------------

I need to get back on track with my weight loss. I have essentially twenty pounds left to lose before I hit goal. It's the same fifteen-twenty I've had to lose since the fall of 2007, after I'd lost my initial fifty-five pounds (from August 2006 through November of 2007) bringing me down from a high of 200 to a low of 145. Now it's fall of 2010, three years later, and I'm at 150 pounds (149.999999 actually... but give me a break). I still haven't even breathed on the 130's, let alone 130 itself. There is a reason for this.

Saturday I did well with my food.

Sunday I did well for breakfast and lunch. Then we went to see Nanny McPhee Returns and I ate:

1/3 bag of popcorn
1 box Reese's Pieces
1 box Sour Jacks

The movie was followed by a trip to Steak & Shake (because obviously I hadn't eaten enough):

1 southwestern chicken grilled sandwich with guacamole (hey, it's chicken? Sigh... I know)
1 serving fries with cheese sauce (adding insult to injury)
1 peach milkshake

We got home, and I finished the day's debauchery off with one Reese's mini peanut butter cup. Over 3000 calories consumed.

Oopsie.

Then, because I clearly hadn't hosed things enough over the weekend, I broke 2000 calories yesterday. Again I was fine with breakfast and lunch and my snack. But dinner was at Denny's and because I'm a dolt I ordered the Heartland Scramble, which for the uninitiated includes two pancakes, butter, syrup, eggs scrambled with potato chunks, green peppers, bacon, and cheddar cheese, along with a side of hash browns (because the potatoes in the eggs aren't sufficient), bacon (ditto), and two links of sausage.

Cleared 1100 calories with that meal alone.

And did I get on my treadmill or elliptical either day? Nope. Too overstuffed. It would have been uncomfortable.

If I sound aggravated with myself, it's because I am. Yes I'm human and I'm going to make mistakes. I can live with that. I can live with the occasional off-plan meal. But when I sit and bitch and moan about how I can't get below 150 consistently to save my life, blah blah blah...

Yes. I. Can. But I haven't wanted it badly enough. That ends today.

Again: Bring it on.

New Record!

Forty followers -- yay! Welcome, everyone :)

Note: there's a little "TMI" in here relating to girlie issues, although it ends quickly (blessedly). Then again, my "About Me" clearly states that I can bleed for 22 days and not die, so I guess the whole caveat emptor thing has already been satisfied.

Now that no one can say they weren't warned:

58 days this time around -- that's a new record for me (just from start-to-start -- the 22-day record still holds for the actual "active" part of the cycle). So today I am vaguely considering the elliptical and treadmill, and I'm also more solidly considering remaining planted right here in my seat. I know I'll probably feel better if I bond with the exercise machinery, so I'm working on making that the more firm option.

I'm just not there yet.

This whole peri-menopausal thing can move into full "pause" mode anytime, in part because the stabbed-through-the-gut-by-icepicks thing I've got going on is so last century. Oh well, probably less than a year to go (thanks Mom for the genetics -- you rock!)

Anywhoodle...

I started the day well, with one of those 160-calorie Subway egg white breakfast melts. They're really pretty good all things considered.

Then I hit up the Hershey's Special Dark Kisses, for obvious reasons. 5 down, and several more to go before I hit my max. At twenty calories apiece I can afford it, and believe me my family doesn't want me avoiding chocolate this week.

In other news, the Elder and I got up early-early this morning and headed out to Walmart to do as much of the back-to-school shopping as we could. I think we'll make this a regular event, because let me tell you, doing that shopping trip at 6:00 a.m. is MUCH more relaxing than at 3:00 PM or worse. The only thing we couldn't find outside of some specialized art supplies was wide-ruled loose leaf notebook paper. Fortunately a trip to Publix -- also early as we were in and out of there before 9:00 a.m. -- netted us the desired paper (along with the afore-mentioned Hershey's Special Dark Kisses).

I don't think I've ever had a less panic-stricken school supply shopping trip. And you won't see me saying this much about spending money, but it was in fact freaking awesome.

Now, because I'm pondering what I'm going to eat the rest of the day, let's see:

Breakfast
Subway Black Forest Ham Egg White Melt - 160
2 slices tomato - 8
Total: 168

Lunch
Spicy Moroccan-Style Chickpeas - 173
Cilantro Lime Quinoa - 172
1/2 Haas Avocado - 140
Total: 485

Dinner
4 oz 93% lean ground beef patty - 170
1 slice cheddar cheese - 80
1 sandwich thin - 100
1 cup broccoli florets - 30
Total: 380

Snack
10 Hershey's Special Dark Kisses - 200

Total All Meals: 1233 calories

Hmm... that's livable, and I have some nice flexibility if the chocolate monster howls more loudly than it's currently bellowing. I've got a couple of tomatoes I need to finish off before they croak, so that will up my veggie intake nicely... and some grapes.

Okay. Cool. And yes, this is how I usually end up working my food. I find I do better if I figure out what I'm eating at the beginning of the day, because if I wait until right before my meal I end up doing things like finishing off the Gum Zombie's leftover Cuban sandwich.

Not that I did that anytime recently (like last night) or anything...

Ooops. So yes, planning and pre-tracking = good. Sucking down the children's leftovers? Not so much (although really, it could have been worse).

Choreboy is blessedly off work tomorrow so we'll be heading off to see Nanny McPhee Returns for our last "hoorah" before school starts. It should be good -- the first one is now one of my all-time favorite movies. Have a great weekend, everyone!

I Think I've Lost Count

This morning, scale survey says: 149.9...9999999999999999999999

Heh.

But YES! Under 150 again. Barely, but I'll take it. I wasn't even sure I'd make it this week, to be honest. I've been good with my food, but my exercising has been in the toilet the past several days and that combined with being on DAY FIFTY-FREAKING-SIX of my formerly-twenty-five day cycle has my hormones and body all freaked out (and yes I have an appointment to see my doctor, Mom).

Perimenopause is interesting. Or something. I'll leave it at that for the moment.

Good news is, it looks like I may not make it to day sixty. I'm retaining water in the... erm... chestal region, and other standard signs are there that we're about to set this particular counter back to zero again. No I am not pregnant. Choreboy is blessedly "fixed" and additionally I have a negative pregnancy test result confirming my non-gestational status because I trust nothing, not even a vasectomy that's got a good history of holding, so I double-checked to make sure there'd been no re-canalization flukes or anything else.

We're clear. And in another week, give or take six days (this is me we're talking about), the water retention should ease which should net me a few more el-bee-ess off the weight.

----------------------------

In other news, orientation for the 2010-2011 school year was today. The Elder is starting sixth grade which means he's off to middle school. I'm trying not to be traumatized. He made it into the accelerated program, which means more work for all of us, but it's worth it in academic gains. If he hadn't been accepted into the accelerated program I would have pitched a fit of epic proportions, because that child has had straight A's through most of elementary school, has always been in the highest reading and math groups, had an awesome recommendation from his fifth grade teacher, and rocked his FCAT scores (including maxing out in math).

Ahem. Sorry for the brief maternal brag there. On the other hand? Spider Farts. So it all evens out.

The Gum Zombie is entering second grade, and his teacher seems nice. We'll see how that goes. I'm not holding my breath as she's good friends with last year's disaster teacher, but just because two people are friends doesn't mean they have the same exact professional philosophies.

Anyway, it was a hectic day and my first handling two orientations at two separate campuses, but we survived.

Next goal (outside of making it through Monday and the start of school): 145 lbs.

Have a good one, y'all!

Mum's the Word

No, I don't really have much of an excuse for the radio silence I've been observing on my own blog, other than that when I weighed myself two Thursdays ago the stupid scale said 152.5.

Grrrrrr.

Then this past Thursday it was 150.5. Which is better, but is still not thrilling me to death.

It's all attributable to how I ate on vacation, and I'm totally aware of it. Although I managed to injure myself two days in and was unable to do any sort of significant hiking thereafter, I ate as if I had been hiking. For the record, cheesburgers and fries are equally good in Canada.

I don't feel guilty about it. I am aggravated because I'd meant to do better, but my commitment level wasn't where it needed to be to carry that through. Lesson learned.

Good news is, I've found an awesome new recipe thanks to one of my local friends who I also know through the SparkPeople website. Here is the recipe -- it's a spicy chickpea/tomato mixture (it's not my friend's, but she made it for a covered dish dinner we had), and it is made of awesome. Bear in mind, I hate every whole legume on the planet with the exception of those which mimic nuts, so the fact that I'm able to eat them whole in this recipe is HUGE!

I've been eating a 1/2 cup serving of these on a bed of cilantro-lime quinoa.

1 cup ROOM TEMPERATURE water or broth (veggie or chicken)
1/2 cup dry, rinsed quinoa
2 TBSP concentrated lime juice (or you can use 1/4 cup fresh and reduce broth by 2 TBSP)
1/2 cup fresh chopped cilantro

Put ingredients into microwave-safe bowl and cover loosely. Microwave on high for 8-10 minutes (times vary according to microwave power). Let sit in microwave for at least two minutes.

Fluff then serve. Makes 2 servings.

It's good stuff.

Today also happens to be Choreboy's and my first anniversary. We're dropping the kids with my folks in a few, and we're going to just spend the day together running to Harbor Freight, bookstores, places that serve food, etc... it'll be nice :)

One year ago today:


And just this past vacation, in the lounge at Lake McDonald Lodge in Glacier National Park:

Here's to year 2!

The Return

Back from vacation. Just out of Choreboy's mouth:

"If I put on six pounds during vacation, it doesn't bode well for you."

Thank you honey. Because that wasn't the first thought that flashed into my head or anything as soon as you shared your gain with me.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

More later (MUCH later on the weigh-in -- yipes). I am hopeful I can at least get up some vacation pictures along with a bit of commentary before Thursday.

For now, suffice it to say that it was a great vacation and I could sure use another day or ten to recover.

Made It.

Well, we made it through the funeral without incident. Dad's eulogy went so well the minister came up to him afterward and said, "Okay, you teach me how to be an architect because I can tell there isn't a thing I can teach you on how to preach!"

This will help a bit with some closure. The whole week we've been in limbo, so at least there's that. And thank you, everyone, for the kindness, sympathy, and support. It means alot to me, and you are all awesome.

Now, in less than twelve hours (in theory) our plane will be taking off, heralding the beginning of our journey to Glacier and Waterton National Parks, in the U.S. and Canada. Our bags are packed, all I lack are my comb, brush, and toiletries.

And the kids' toothbrushes. I know I'm going to forget those, and am pretty much resigned to just buying more when we touch ground.

We're off! See y'all in a week (hopefully with some good pictures!)

Passings

"Inoperable tumor -- consult in the morning -- comfort measures"

That's the phone message I keep seeing on my desk. One of the founders of the firm where I work, and have worked off and on for the past twenty-plus years, had what they thought was a benign cyst on his pancreas. It had grown a bit too much and was encroaching on his bile duct causing some jaundice, and that and other digestive issues were why he went in for a Whipple procedure last Friday.

So he was going in for surgery. Major surgery, not minor, and very serious at that. He said himself that his doctors told him "Well, with a Whipple, yes we pretty much are telling you that you'll have this or die."

They didn't mention the "and die" possibility. But with surgery under general anesthesia, that's a given.

The medical team went in and instead of the benign cyst, there was an invasive malignancy. They closed him back up after putting in a shunt to drain the bile and relieve the jaundice.

"Inoperable... comfort measures..."

He had a second operation on Saturday. He was bleeding out.

My parents visited him in recovery. He and Dad have been business partners since 1975. I grew up with their son. I've never said "He was like a second father to me," because my own father has always been more than sufficient. But he was.

His liver was failing, and so were his kidneys.

Dialysis failed.

He passed away Sunday. We've been shell-shocked all week, both at home and at the office. My last entry was beyond disjointed, and I know it. I wrote it after I got the news, and was just striving for some sense of normalcy. Bombed that.

The funeral is tomorrow. My father will be delivering the eulogy.

I told my dad he's not allowed to go the route of this gentleman, or of the other firm founder who passed away earlier this year. He smirked a little, and said that there might come a day when I wish he would.

Nope.

"Comfort measures."

My grandparents are all dead. Now the people of my parents' generation are passing. I'm moving right up in the old mortality chain.

I don't like it. At all.

Vacation's All I Ever Wanted...

Well, it's coming. It'll get here.

For now, life goes on. I weighed in on Thursday at 147.25; then on Friday I was at 147 even. I really should never ever weigh in multiple times, because even though my "official" weight puts me at 147.25, I now consider my weight to be 147, which means if I'm at 147 this coming Thursday too I'll be bummed because The Scale Rules All.

*headdesk*

BUT... I think that eating a more even (yet higher) calorie distribution is working at the moment. My goal is to eat 1500 calories per day, and I've managed to range right in between 1400 and 1600 all week. I'll have to see how that goes this week as well, since it's intake over time that's more important than just what I've eaten immediately preceding a weigh-in. Looking at my past patterns and the big drop this week, though, I think I wasn't eating enough considering the exercise I've been doing. That prompted my body to hold onto every ounce it could make an excuse to cling to. Eating more is training my body to expect food, so it feels free to let go of some of the fat in return.

Eh, it makes sense somewhere in my feeble little brain.

The elliptical machine is doing marvelously. I've been doing 20 minutes on it per day since we brought it home. I started out unable to keep moving past two minutes and 30 seconds, so I'd dismount after that time, pace back and forth for one minute, then hop back on. This past week I got up to 5-minute stretches. And now this week I'm moving to 10-minute stretches... at least one*, which would be followed by two five-minute bursts. But still, the progress is good and I'm pleased.

It's a weird machine.. I don't use too much resistance, but even over the past two weeks my arms are showing more definition and I could swear that yesterday I actually glimpsed a hint of a quad! Now only a hint, mind you... I carry most of my weight in my hips and thighs, including some very unfortunate "saddle bags." Those suckers have been the bane of my existence since I was fifteen years old, and it appears little has changed on that front in the past twenty-five years. I don't think that particular fat deposit will leave regardless of how much I exercise or how little I eat. When I was sixteen I was severely ill with pneumonia, and after it was all said and done I'd dropped to 108.5 pounds. I was hollow cheeked, flat-chested, and still I had those blasted saddlebags!!

I threaten lots of plastic surgery, but the one I can most see myself eventually caving to is some lipo to just smooth them out. Finding pants that will fit without accentuating them is a flat-out misery, and one can only wear Spanx so long before beginning to feel a bit like a cased sausage.

Oh shoot, I totally got off track there. Where was I? Oh yes, exercise! Anyway, after 20 minutes of on-and-offing the elliptical, I've then moved to the treadmill for the final 40 minutes of my daily cardio. I was doing 10% incline work for some weeks, and have now moved to a more solid 5% stretch as the elliptical appears to be my higher intensity work. I've done both the 10% and the elliptical in one day, and from the after-effects it appears that isn't a good mix for my legs which are still recovering from the stress fractures.

Slow and steady does it.

I have definitely bombed out on the resistance this week. There's only so much time in a day, and I've made choices that haven't included it. I need to re-evaluate and figure out how to work it in because with my bones being as fragile as they're acting, I need to do everything I can to increase their density. On the plus side, I'm tracking my calcium intake and since I started taking a calcium supplement I'm up to the levels I need on that at least.

I'm still tracking every bite. Without tracking what I eat, I slip. I've been on this path since August of 2006, and history has taught me that if I don't write down my intake in some form or fashion (currently I use SparkPeople's Nutrition Tracker and have been since January of 2009 -- I'm AmandaJCD over there), I will lose my perspective on how much food is going into my mouth, and from there I'll start climbing right back up to where I started, if not beyond.

So, the goals for this week are to keep at 1500 calories per day, keep the daily cardio going, drink my water (I flunked water yesterday, but there's still time to get today's in!), and try to get this family packed for vacation.

Speaking of cardio, it's about that time. The Evil Elliptical is hollering at me. Have a great week, folks!

*Did it! Turns out I can do 10 minutes at a stretch on the elliptical... who knew? :)

Cause and Effect

Conversation between Choreboy and me, following my latest heart rate measurement:

"Hey, my heart rate's at 54 beats per minute!"

"Is that good or bad?"

"Uh... good. It's low."

"Are you dead?"

"Noooo... Lance Armstrong's heart beats only 32 times per minute."

"Well that's cuz he wears that little rubber bracelet."

Alrightie then...

In other news, the weigh in weight was 150.25. That could be either due to standard weight fluctuation (hey, at least it's a lower 150?) or it could be related to the fact that for some reason I felt called to bake not just one, but two pound cakes in the seven days preceding the weigh-in.

Yeah, not my best or brightest move, considering my inordinate pound cake love.

Good news is that they came out great -- both taste/texture wise AND in their release from the bundt pan. So I have that going for me.

And I also am developing a scary low RHR... hee!! My recovery rate is coming along as well. Five minutes after I'm off my treadmill I'm back down around 60 BPM. So progress is being made, just not necessarily of the scale variety.

This week I've got a few things I'm working toward. I'm going to get my water in (and hey, check in to Sean and Kenz's Positive Effect Water Challenge!); I'm going add one additional serving of complex carbs (brown rice, whole wheat bread, sweet potato, etc) to each day; I'm going to stay within my calorie range and not have an "over" day; and I'm going to lift my weights three times this week.

Oh, and I'm not going to bake any pound cakes. That might help.

If I accomplish all this and the scale doesn't move, so be it. I know my fitness is improving because my RHR is dropping like a stone and my recovery rate is right behind it. At 150 I am at a healthy weight (I have to keep repeating this to myself because in my high school mind even breaking 120 was appalling -- and I am NOT in high school anymore!). That said, these last twenty pounds are not simply vanity pounds -- a goal of 130 pounds with a very small bone frame is quite reasonable -- but being so close to goal it's also reasonable that my body is going to want to hold on to every ounce it can manage.

I just have to outwit it, and I plan to do that by eating sufficiently and making up my calorie deficit through exercise.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with my elliptical... or as I like to refer to it, "that bastard." Have a good one!

Less than Perfect...

... and feeling a bit less than laudable, really.

I work out at least 6 days per week. And I've been telling myself that I really don't like it. Like, at all.

Turns out I've been lying to myself. I may not like the physical exertion too much -- although I'll admit I am getting hooked on that feeling of accomplishment -- but I've learned tonight that I really relish the the solitude I have, like when I'm on that 10% incline in the 4th minute of a 5 minute interval, and the only thought going through my mind outside of "I'm pretty sure I'm about to die" is "My brother is going to pay and pay for reminding me about interval training."

Yeah, that's the stuff.

Because tonight, the Elder wanted to exercise with me. And although I felt some weird resistance to the idea, I shoved it to the back of my mind and told him of course. After all, I want him to like physical activity, and of the two of my children he is the most like me in his potential ability to permanently root himself to the couch. So hey, the boy wants to sweat it out with Mom? Bring it on!!

Except... well, not. The first twenty minutes were actually okay. We just got an elliptical this weekend because I needed another air conditioned cardio option and the price was right, and I hammered away at that for my first event of the evening. Since that's a newer "thing", I don't have a rhythm down yet really -- mentally or physically. It's new, and I'm learning about the machine and how my body handles it.

It's when I switched to the treadmill that the problem started. It just felt wrong. And then when I hit up the 10% incline, I was getting extremely frustrated because my rhythm was being affected by him gliding his leisurely way along on the elliptical.

And this might win me a total Bad Mommy award, but I finally ended up stopping for a bit so he and I could rework his "Sweatin' With the Oldie" session to be just the first part of my workout. Part of me feels terrible. He's disappointed that he can't do my entire workout with me, and I feel like The Most Unnatural Mother Ever. But part of me is also relieved, because my blessed solitude has returned and I can once again ponder my pending doom while continuing my mental bitch session at my much-maligned baby (6'-1") brother in peace.

I'm going to go pour the poor child a nice drink to attempt to salve my conscience a bit more, then it's back to the treadmill for me. I'm not going to let feeling guilty also cheat me out of a workout. I've just got to find another way to work around this.

Edited to add: The boy appears to have recovered. He just delivered a five minute dissertation to me about his Darth Maul character on the Wii Lego Star Wars game that Choreboy brought home this weekend. Whew.

What Week is it Anyway?

Oh yeah...

Week 13 Weight: 150.75
Week 14 Weight: 152
Week 15 Weight: 151.5
Week 16 Weight: 149.5
Week 17 Weight: 150.25
Week 18 Weight: 149.25

Yeah, it's a quarter pound up from Monday but with the standard fluctuations during the week, I'll take it. I've been killing it on my treadmill -- 40 minutes @ 3MPH, 5% incline, and 20 minutes @ 3MPH, 10% incline. I can feel the difference when I'm done. As for my weights and resistance stuff... well, I'm thinking about it more. It's just that after a freaking HOUR of cardio, there needs to be time for the family, and this week hasn't been conducive to being able to work both resistance and family time in.

With the holiday weekend coming up my goal is to simply maintain this week. Sure I'll work for a loss, but I'm good with strictly maintenance.

Hoosier Sugar Cream pie. It sounds good. We'll have to see how the recipe works out...

Happy 4th, folks!