Ponderings and Plans

It's unbelievably dark outside. Practically twilight-dark. The air is too heavy to move... too wet. It's the kind of day when I'd like to be at home, curled up on the couch.

Instead I'm sitting here at my desk at work. But I've got a window. That can't be discounted. And it's a spectacular showcase for the incoming storm.

Bring it on.

-------------------------

I need to get back on track with my weight loss. I have essentially twenty pounds left to lose before I hit goal. It's the same fifteen-twenty I've had to lose since the fall of 2007, after I'd lost my initial fifty-five pounds (from August 2006 through November of 2007) bringing me down from a high of 200 to a low of 145. Now it's fall of 2010, three years later, and I'm at 150 pounds (149.999999 actually... but give me a break). I still haven't even breathed on the 130's, let alone 130 itself. There is a reason for this.

Saturday I did well with my food.

Sunday I did well for breakfast and lunch. Then we went to see Nanny McPhee Returns and I ate:

1/3 bag of popcorn
1 box Reese's Pieces
1 box Sour Jacks

The movie was followed by a trip to Steak & Shake (because obviously I hadn't eaten enough):

1 southwestern chicken grilled sandwich with guacamole (hey, it's chicken? Sigh... I know)
1 serving fries with cheese sauce (adding insult to injury)
1 peach milkshake

We got home, and I finished the day's debauchery off with one Reese's mini peanut butter cup. Over 3000 calories consumed.

Oopsie.

Then, because I clearly hadn't hosed things enough over the weekend, I broke 2000 calories yesterday. Again I was fine with breakfast and lunch and my snack. But dinner was at Denny's and because I'm a dolt I ordered the Heartland Scramble, which for the uninitiated includes two pancakes, butter, syrup, eggs scrambled with potato chunks, green peppers, bacon, and cheddar cheese, along with a side of hash browns (because the potatoes in the eggs aren't sufficient), bacon (ditto), and two links of sausage.

Cleared 1100 calories with that meal alone.

And did I get on my treadmill or elliptical either day? Nope. Too overstuffed. It would have been uncomfortable.

If I sound aggravated with myself, it's because I am. Yes I'm human and I'm going to make mistakes. I can live with that. I can live with the occasional off-plan meal. But when I sit and bitch and moan about how I can't get below 150 consistently to save my life, blah blah blah...

Yes. I. Can. But I haven't wanted it badly enough. That ends today.

Again: Bring it on.

New Record!

Forty followers -- yay! Welcome, everyone :)

Note: there's a little "TMI" in here relating to girlie issues, although it ends quickly (blessedly). Then again, my "About Me" clearly states that I can bleed for 22 days and not die, so I guess the whole caveat emptor thing has already been satisfied.

Now that no one can say they weren't warned:

58 days this time around -- that's a new record for me (just from start-to-start -- the 22-day record still holds for the actual "active" part of the cycle). So today I am vaguely considering the elliptical and treadmill, and I'm also more solidly considering remaining planted right here in my seat. I know I'll probably feel better if I bond with the exercise machinery, so I'm working on making that the more firm option.

I'm just not there yet.

This whole peri-menopausal thing can move into full "pause" mode anytime, in part because the stabbed-through-the-gut-by-icepicks thing I've got going on is so last century. Oh well, probably less than a year to go (thanks Mom for the genetics -- you rock!)

Anywhoodle...

I started the day well, with one of those 160-calorie Subway egg white breakfast melts. They're really pretty good all things considered.

Then I hit up the Hershey's Special Dark Kisses, for obvious reasons. 5 down, and several more to go before I hit my max. At twenty calories apiece I can afford it, and believe me my family doesn't want me avoiding chocolate this week.

In other news, the Elder and I got up early-early this morning and headed out to Walmart to do as much of the back-to-school shopping as we could. I think we'll make this a regular event, because let me tell you, doing that shopping trip at 6:00 a.m. is MUCH more relaxing than at 3:00 PM or worse. The only thing we couldn't find outside of some specialized art supplies was wide-ruled loose leaf notebook paper. Fortunately a trip to Publix -- also early as we were in and out of there before 9:00 a.m. -- netted us the desired paper (along with the afore-mentioned Hershey's Special Dark Kisses).

I don't think I've ever had a less panic-stricken school supply shopping trip. And you won't see me saying this much about spending money, but it was in fact freaking awesome.

Now, because I'm pondering what I'm going to eat the rest of the day, let's see:

Breakfast
Subway Black Forest Ham Egg White Melt - 160
2 slices tomato - 8
Total: 168

Lunch
Spicy Moroccan-Style Chickpeas - 173
Cilantro Lime Quinoa - 172
1/2 Haas Avocado - 140
Total: 485

Dinner
4 oz 93% lean ground beef patty - 170
1 slice cheddar cheese - 80
1 sandwich thin - 100
1 cup broccoli florets - 30
Total: 380

Snack
10 Hershey's Special Dark Kisses - 200

Total All Meals: 1233 calories

Hmm... that's livable, and I have some nice flexibility if the chocolate monster howls more loudly than it's currently bellowing. I've got a couple of tomatoes I need to finish off before they croak, so that will up my veggie intake nicely... and some grapes.

Okay. Cool. And yes, this is how I usually end up working my food. I find I do better if I figure out what I'm eating at the beginning of the day, because if I wait until right before my meal I end up doing things like finishing off the Gum Zombie's leftover Cuban sandwich.

Not that I did that anytime recently (like last night) or anything...

Ooops. So yes, planning and pre-tracking = good. Sucking down the children's leftovers? Not so much (although really, it could have been worse).

Choreboy is blessedly off work tomorrow so we'll be heading off to see Nanny McPhee Returns for our last "hoorah" before school starts. It should be good -- the first one is now one of my all-time favorite movies. Have a great weekend, everyone!

I Think I've Lost Count

This morning, scale survey says: 149.9...9999999999999999999999

Heh.

But YES! Under 150 again. Barely, but I'll take it. I wasn't even sure I'd make it this week, to be honest. I've been good with my food, but my exercising has been in the toilet the past several days and that combined with being on DAY FIFTY-FREAKING-SIX of my formerly-twenty-five day cycle has my hormones and body all freaked out (and yes I have an appointment to see my doctor, Mom).

Perimenopause is interesting. Or something. I'll leave it at that for the moment.

Good news is, it looks like I may not make it to day sixty. I'm retaining water in the... erm... chestal region, and other standard signs are there that we're about to set this particular counter back to zero again. No I am not pregnant. Choreboy is blessedly "fixed" and additionally I have a negative pregnancy test result confirming my non-gestational status because I trust nothing, not even a vasectomy that's got a good history of holding, so I double-checked to make sure there'd been no re-canalization flukes or anything else.

We're clear. And in another week, give or take six days (this is me we're talking about), the water retention should ease which should net me a few more el-bee-ess off the weight.

----------------------------

In other news, orientation for the 2010-2011 school year was today. The Elder is starting sixth grade which means he's off to middle school. I'm trying not to be traumatized. He made it into the accelerated program, which means more work for all of us, but it's worth it in academic gains. If he hadn't been accepted into the accelerated program I would have pitched a fit of epic proportions, because that child has had straight A's through most of elementary school, has always been in the highest reading and math groups, had an awesome recommendation from his fifth grade teacher, and rocked his FCAT scores (including maxing out in math).

Ahem. Sorry for the brief maternal brag there. On the other hand? Spider Farts. So it all evens out.

The Gum Zombie is entering second grade, and his teacher seems nice. We'll see how that goes. I'm not holding my breath as she's good friends with last year's disaster teacher, but just because two people are friends doesn't mean they have the same exact professional philosophies.

Anyway, it was a hectic day and my first handling two orientations at two separate campuses, but we survived.

Next goal (outside of making it through Monday and the start of school): 145 lbs.

Have a good one, y'all!

Mum's the Word

No, I don't really have much of an excuse for the radio silence I've been observing on my own blog, other than that when I weighed myself two Thursdays ago the stupid scale said 152.5.

Grrrrrr.

Then this past Thursday it was 150.5. Which is better, but is still not thrilling me to death.

It's all attributable to how I ate on vacation, and I'm totally aware of it. Although I managed to injure myself two days in and was unable to do any sort of significant hiking thereafter, I ate as if I had been hiking. For the record, cheesburgers and fries are equally good in Canada.

I don't feel guilty about it. I am aggravated because I'd meant to do better, but my commitment level wasn't where it needed to be to carry that through. Lesson learned.

Good news is, I've found an awesome new recipe thanks to one of my local friends who I also know through the SparkPeople website. Here is the recipe -- it's a spicy chickpea/tomato mixture (it's not my friend's, but she made it for a covered dish dinner we had), and it is made of awesome. Bear in mind, I hate every whole legume on the planet with the exception of those which mimic nuts, so the fact that I'm able to eat them whole in this recipe is HUGE!

I've been eating a 1/2 cup serving of these on a bed of cilantro-lime quinoa.

1 cup ROOM TEMPERATURE water or broth (veggie or chicken)
1/2 cup dry, rinsed quinoa
2 TBSP concentrated lime juice (or you can use 1/4 cup fresh and reduce broth by 2 TBSP)
1/2 cup fresh chopped cilantro

Put ingredients into microwave-safe bowl and cover loosely. Microwave on high for 8-10 minutes (times vary according to microwave power). Let sit in microwave for at least two minutes.

Fluff then serve. Makes 2 servings.

It's good stuff.

Today also happens to be Choreboy's and my first anniversary. We're dropping the kids with my folks in a few, and we're going to just spend the day together running to Harbor Freight, bookstores, places that serve food, etc... it'll be nice :)

One year ago today:


And just this past vacation, in the lounge at Lake McDonald Lodge in Glacier National Park:

Here's to year 2!

The Return

Back from vacation. Just out of Choreboy's mouth:

"If I put on six pounds during vacation, it doesn't bode well for you."

Thank you honey. Because that wasn't the first thought that flashed into my head or anything as soon as you shared your gain with me.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

More later (MUCH later on the weigh-in -- yipes). I am hopeful I can at least get up some vacation pictures along with a bit of commentary before Thursday.

For now, suffice it to say that it was a great vacation and I could sure use another day or ten to recover.

Made It.

Well, we made it through the funeral without incident. Dad's eulogy went so well the minister came up to him afterward and said, "Okay, you teach me how to be an architect because I can tell there isn't a thing I can teach you on how to preach!"

This will help a bit with some closure. The whole week we've been in limbo, so at least there's that. And thank you, everyone, for the kindness, sympathy, and support. It means alot to me, and you are all awesome.

Now, in less than twelve hours (in theory) our plane will be taking off, heralding the beginning of our journey to Glacier and Waterton National Parks, in the U.S. and Canada. Our bags are packed, all I lack are my comb, brush, and toiletries.

And the kids' toothbrushes. I know I'm going to forget those, and am pretty much resigned to just buying more when we touch ground.

We're off! See y'all in a week (hopefully with some good pictures!)

Passings

"Inoperable tumor -- consult in the morning -- comfort measures"

That's the phone message I keep seeing on my desk. One of the founders of the firm where I work, and have worked off and on for the past twenty-plus years, had what they thought was a benign cyst on his pancreas. It had grown a bit too much and was encroaching on his bile duct causing some jaundice, and that and other digestive issues were why he went in for a Whipple procedure last Friday.

So he was going in for surgery. Major surgery, not minor, and very serious at that. He said himself that his doctors told him "Well, with a Whipple, yes we pretty much are telling you that you'll have this or die."

They didn't mention the "and die" possibility. But with surgery under general anesthesia, that's a given.

The medical team went in and instead of the benign cyst, there was an invasive malignancy. They closed him back up after putting in a shunt to drain the bile and relieve the jaundice.

"Inoperable... comfort measures..."

He had a second operation on Saturday. He was bleeding out.

My parents visited him in recovery. He and Dad have been business partners since 1975. I grew up with their son. I've never said "He was like a second father to me," because my own father has always been more than sufficient. But he was.

His liver was failing, and so were his kidneys.

Dialysis failed.

He passed away Sunday. We've been shell-shocked all week, both at home and at the office. My last entry was beyond disjointed, and I know it. I wrote it after I got the news, and was just striving for some sense of normalcy. Bombed that.

The funeral is tomorrow. My father will be delivering the eulogy.

I told my dad he's not allowed to go the route of this gentleman, or of the other firm founder who passed away earlier this year. He smirked a little, and said that there might come a day when I wish he would.

Nope.

"Comfort measures."

My grandparents are all dead. Now the people of my parents' generation are passing. I'm moving right up in the old mortality chain.

I don't like it. At all.

Vacation's All I Ever Wanted...

Well, it's coming. It'll get here.

For now, life goes on. I weighed in on Thursday at 147.25; then on Friday I was at 147 even. I really should never ever weigh in multiple times, because even though my "official" weight puts me at 147.25, I now consider my weight to be 147, which means if I'm at 147 this coming Thursday too I'll be bummed because The Scale Rules All.

*headdesk*

BUT... I think that eating a more even (yet higher) calorie distribution is working at the moment. My goal is to eat 1500 calories per day, and I've managed to range right in between 1400 and 1600 all week. I'll have to see how that goes this week as well, since it's intake over time that's more important than just what I've eaten immediately preceding a weigh-in. Looking at my past patterns and the big drop this week, though, I think I wasn't eating enough considering the exercise I've been doing. That prompted my body to hold onto every ounce it could make an excuse to cling to. Eating more is training my body to expect food, so it feels free to let go of some of the fat in return.

Eh, it makes sense somewhere in my feeble little brain.

The elliptical machine is doing marvelously. I've been doing 20 minutes on it per day since we brought it home. I started out unable to keep moving past two minutes and 30 seconds, so I'd dismount after that time, pace back and forth for one minute, then hop back on. This past week I got up to 5-minute stretches. And now this week I'm moving to 10-minute stretches... at least one*, which would be followed by two five-minute bursts. But still, the progress is good and I'm pleased.

It's a weird machine.. I don't use too much resistance, but even over the past two weeks my arms are showing more definition and I could swear that yesterday I actually glimpsed a hint of a quad! Now only a hint, mind you... I carry most of my weight in my hips and thighs, including some very unfortunate "saddle bags." Those suckers have been the bane of my existence since I was fifteen years old, and it appears little has changed on that front in the past twenty-five years. I don't think that particular fat deposit will leave regardless of how much I exercise or how little I eat. When I was sixteen I was severely ill with pneumonia, and after it was all said and done I'd dropped to 108.5 pounds. I was hollow cheeked, flat-chested, and still I had those blasted saddlebags!!

I threaten lots of plastic surgery, but the one I can most see myself eventually caving to is some lipo to just smooth them out. Finding pants that will fit without accentuating them is a flat-out misery, and one can only wear Spanx so long before beginning to feel a bit like a cased sausage.

Oh shoot, I totally got off track there. Where was I? Oh yes, exercise! Anyway, after 20 minutes of on-and-offing the elliptical, I've then moved to the treadmill for the final 40 minutes of my daily cardio. I was doing 10% incline work for some weeks, and have now moved to a more solid 5% stretch as the elliptical appears to be my higher intensity work. I've done both the 10% and the elliptical in one day, and from the after-effects it appears that isn't a good mix for my legs which are still recovering from the stress fractures.

Slow and steady does it.

I have definitely bombed out on the resistance this week. There's only so much time in a day, and I've made choices that haven't included it. I need to re-evaluate and figure out how to work it in because with my bones being as fragile as they're acting, I need to do everything I can to increase their density. On the plus side, I'm tracking my calcium intake and since I started taking a calcium supplement I'm up to the levels I need on that at least.

I'm still tracking every bite. Without tracking what I eat, I slip. I've been on this path since August of 2006, and history has taught me that if I don't write down my intake in some form or fashion (currently I use SparkPeople's Nutrition Tracker and have been since January of 2009 -- I'm AmandaJCD over there), I will lose my perspective on how much food is going into my mouth, and from there I'll start climbing right back up to where I started, if not beyond.

So, the goals for this week are to keep at 1500 calories per day, keep the daily cardio going, drink my water (I flunked water yesterday, but there's still time to get today's in!), and try to get this family packed for vacation.

Speaking of cardio, it's about that time. The Evil Elliptical is hollering at me. Have a great week, folks!

*Did it! Turns out I can do 10 minutes at a stretch on the elliptical... who knew? :)

Cause and Effect

Conversation between Choreboy and me, following my latest heart rate measurement:

"Hey, my heart rate's at 54 beats per minute!"

"Is that good or bad?"

"Uh... good. It's low."

"Are you dead?"

"Noooo... Lance Armstrong's heart beats only 32 times per minute."

"Well that's cuz he wears that little rubber bracelet."

Alrightie then...

In other news, the weigh in weight was 150.25. That could be either due to standard weight fluctuation (hey, at least it's a lower 150?) or it could be related to the fact that for some reason I felt called to bake not just one, but two pound cakes in the seven days preceding the weigh-in.

Yeah, not my best or brightest move, considering my inordinate pound cake love.

Good news is that they came out great -- both taste/texture wise AND in their release from the bundt pan. So I have that going for me.

And I also am developing a scary low RHR... hee!! My recovery rate is coming along as well. Five minutes after I'm off my treadmill I'm back down around 60 BPM. So progress is being made, just not necessarily of the scale variety.

This week I've got a few things I'm working toward. I'm going to get my water in (and hey, check in to Sean and Kenz's Positive Effect Water Challenge!); I'm going add one additional serving of complex carbs (brown rice, whole wheat bread, sweet potato, etc) to each day; I'm going to stay within my calorie range and not have an "over" day; and I'm going to lift my weights three times this week.

Oh, and I'm not going to bake any pound cakes. That might help.

If I accomplish all this and the scale doesn't move, so be it. I know my fitness is improving because my RHR is dropping like a stone and my recovery rate is right behind it. At 150 I am at a healthy weight (I have to keep repeating this to myself because in my high school mind even breaking 120 was appalling -- and I am NOT in high school anymore!). That said, these last twenty pounds are not simply vanity pounds -- a goal of 130 pounds with a very small bone frame is quite reasonable -- but being so close to goal it's also reasonable that my body is going to want to hold on to every ounce it can manage.

I just have to outwit it, and I plan to do that by eating sufficiently and making up my calorie deficit through exercise.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with my elliptical... or as I like to refer to it, "that bastard." Have a good one!

Less than Perfect...

... and feeling a bit less than laudable, really.

I work out at least 6 days per week. And I've been telling myself that I really don't like it. Like, at all.

Turns out I've been lying to myself. I may not like the physical exertion too much -- although I'll admit I am getting hooked on that feeling of accomplishment -- but I've learned tonight that I really relish the the solitude I have, like when I'm on that 10% incline in the 4th minute of a 5 minute interval, and the only thought going through my mind outside of "I'm pretty sure I'm about to die" is "My brother is going to pay and pay for reminding me about interval training."

Yeah, that's the stuff.

Because tonight, the Elder wanted to exercise with me. And although I felt some weird resistance to the idea, I shoved it to the back of my mind and told him of course. After all, I want him to like physical activity, and of the two of my children he is the most like me in his potential ability to permanently root himself to the couch. So hey, the boy wants to sweat it out with Mom? Bring it on!!

Except... well, not. The first twenty minutes were actually okay. We just got an elliptical this weekend because I needed another air conditioned cardio option and the price was right, and I hammered away at that for my first event of the evening. Since that's a newer "thing", I don't have a rhythm down yet really -- mentally or physically. It's new, and I'm learning about the machine and how my body handles it.

It's when I switched to the treadmill that the problem started. It just felt wrong. And then when I hit up the 10% incline, I was getting extremely frustrated because my rhythm was being affected by him gliding his leisurely way along on the elliptical.

And this might win me a total Bad Mommy award, but I finally ended up stopping for a bit so he and I could rework his "Sweatin' With the Oldie" session to be just the first part of my workout. Part of me feels terrible. He's disappointed that he can't do my entire workout with me, and I feel like The Most Unnatural Mother Ever. But part of me is also relieved, because my blessed solitude has returned and I can once again ponder my pending doom while continuing my mental bitch session at my much-maligned baby (6'-1") brother in peace.

I'm going to go pour the poor child a nice drink to attempt to salve my conscience a bit more, then it's back to the treadmill for me. I'm not going to let feeling guilty also cheat me out of a workout. I've just got to find another way to work around this.

Edited to add: The boy appears to have recovered. He just delivered a five minute dissertation to me about his Darth Maul character on the Wii Lego Star Wars game that Choreboy brought home this weekend. Whew.

What Week is it Anyway?

Oh yeah...

Week 13 Weight: 150.75
Week 14 Weight: 152
Week 15 Weight: 151.5
Week 16 Weight: 149.5
Week 17 Weight: 150.25
Week 18 Weight: 149.25

Yeah, it's a quarter pound up from Monday but with the standard fluctuations during the week, I'll take it. I've been killing it on my treadmill -- 40 minutes @ 3MPH, 5% incline, and 20 minutes @ 3MPH, 10% incline. I can feel the difference when I'm done. As for my weights and resistance stuff... well, I'm thinking about it more. It's just that after a freaking HOUR of cardio, there needs to be time for the family, and this week hasn't been conducive to being able to work both resistance and family time in.

With the holiday weekend coming up my goal is to simply maintain this week. Sure I'll work for a loss, but I'm good with strictly maintenance.

Hoosier Sugar Cream pie. It sounds good. We'll have to see how the recipe works out...

Happy 4th, folks!

Updated Weight

149, even.

I'm guessing overage was water weight, but I'm not taking any risks. I'm keeping a tight grip on the eating and a firm eyeball on both cardio and resistance this week.

I'd just feel a leetle bit more comfortable if I were further away from 150... yanno?

Recanting

Hey, if that murderous twerp they've got in prison down in Brazil can do it, so can I.

From Thursday's entry:

"And frankly, I can't blame my food intake, which was otherwise on-track, nor can I blame my exercise, which was awesome."

Okay, I've been doing some thinking. Last week was good enough, I'll give it that. But looking over the big picture, I see what has happened.

Yes, my calories were in line, but they were in line with an upward creep that had started back when I began working out again. I also saw that my once weekly "out of range" day had increased to 2 or even 3 days out of range. Overall my average intake was still within reason -- 1550 calories per day for the record, before adjusting for exercise -- but the upward trend was there.

And on my exercise, my consistency was awesome, I'll give myself that for sure. My intensity, however?

Not so much.

I've been walking for about an hour on my treadmill at 3 MPH and a 5% incline, and telling myself it was challenging. Well, it really wasn't. It's not as easy as sitting on my duff, I'll grant you that, but just adding two five-minute bursts at 10% incline tells me that the new cardio routine definitely is challenging, whereas the former was getting rather more comfortable than not.

Also, speaking of the overall picture... uhm... it would appear my resistance stuff (weights and other delightful things)... uh...

Yeah. Not for a couple of weeks.

So. Ahem.

This weekend, I've truly kicked ass. I cooked what I needed to, I've definitely eaten well, and my workouts have been absolutely challenging.

I've remembered my weights, too.

I'm sorely tempted to weigh myself again tomorrow to see if this weekend has caused a shift in the poundage. If I cave and do it, I'll let you all know the results.

Game on.

Lemon Law

Week 12 Weight: 150.5
Week 13 Weight: 150.75
Week 14 Weight: 152
Week 15 Weight: 151.5
Week 16 Weight: 149.5
Week 17 Weight: 150.25

I'd like to blame the Lemonheads I hit up this week.


Although I really can't.

And frankly, I can't blame my food intake, which was otherwise on-track, nor can I blame my exercise, which was awesome.

All I can do is remember that I'm only 20 pounds from goal, and I'm already theoretically at a healthy weight.

Well, that plus the fact that "that time" finally decided to show up, 24 days after it was scheduled to arrive. This was a 49-day cycle this time around, which I believe means I actually skipped, rather than merely being late. Ah, perimenopausal bliss (erm... notsomuch).

With all this going on, there are just weeks when I won't lose. Or when I'll go up by .75 pound in spite of choosing well most of the week.

SO... I need to evaluate what I'm eating (nix the Lemonheads -- if I want something processed I'll just get the damned Snickers already), analyze my exercise (the 3MPH @ 5% incline for 60 minutes just isn't as challenging as it should be, blast it), and forge ahead.

Now if I could just overcome this urge to dive face-first into a barrel of chocolates...

Okay

So buying those Lemonheads yesterday was probably not my best move.

I've sucked down 4 "servings" (1 serving = 10 pieces @ 50 calories total) of them so far today, and that doesn't even take into consideration the 2 servings I had yesterday as well.

I should have just broken down and bought the stupid Snickers bar. At least by now I'd be done with it.

Worse yet? I still want the Snickers :P

149.5

FINALLY.

Now I've got 19.5 pounds to reach my goal of 130, and 20 weeks until my arbitrary goal date of November 4th arrives.

Mathematically it can be done. Now let's see how the reality of the situation plays out.

On the minus side, I updated my current weight on Spark People and they lowered my calorie range back down to 1200 - 1550. Rats. No good deed goes unpunished :P

But y'all, I'm under 150!!!!! I am so freaking psyched.

Weird

So because I'm weak, I weighed in this morning rather than tomorrow (Thursday). I just had to know the bad news.

I'm down to 150.25.

This after 3 servings of ice cream, a milkshake from Steak 'n' Shake, and other iffy food choices over my Daily 2K+ weekend.

You've just gotta laugh.

*Tapping foot...*

Week 10 Weight: 154.5
Week 11 Weight: 152.75
Week 12 Weight: 150.5
Week 13 Weight: 150.75
Week 14 Weight: 152
Week 15 Weight: 151.5

Well, we're moving in the right direction at least. Though I probably hosed that over the weekend as I broke 2000 calories per day on Friday (2966), Saturday (2240), and Sunday (2474). Considering my allowable range is 1200 - 1740 and I prefer to stick to 1450 - 1550 before accounting for exercise as an average daily for the week?

I know, I'm not seeing that happening either. Warning -- bitchfest ensues below.

I'm just tired right now. And I'm burned out to boot. It's hard for me to get below 150, and harder still to stay there. But I know I *can*... it's just that my body is so used to this being my low that I'm about to shriek or do something similarly undignified.

Plus we have The Hormones from Hell which put me now at 14 days past due, making this a 39-day cycle this month rather than my standard 25 days. So yeah, crabby would be me.

Perimenopausal, table of one? Your table is ready.

:P

(Oh, and I'm still not liking this whole forty-years-old thing, plus the company that made the only base makeup I ever had that was the right color has gone out of business, so the nice ladies at the make-up counter keep trying to make my skin look darker than it is. Newsflash, dearies -- I'm pasty and happy this way! Grrrrrrr...)

Yeah, I've almost snapped. I'll be back when everything levels out, or after I get some medicinal chocolate in me -- whichever comes first.

Stupid Scale

Week 9 Weight: 154
Week 10 Weight: 154.5
Week 11 Weight: 152.75
Week 12 Weight: 150.5
Week 13 Weight: 150.75
Week 14 Weight: 152

Yep, you read that right. 152. The stupid scale is not being cooperative at all.

Okay, in all fairness my caloric intake has gone up a bit in the past couple of weeks. My intake, before adjusting for exercise, averaged out at 1589 calories per day. But considering I'm now "allowed" up to 1680 calories a day (per SparkPeople), I should be good. And then once you take out the calories burned via exercise and re-figure everything, my average daily intake is just at 1389/ day -- still substantially below my daily caloric needs, which (depending on the calculator you use) range from 1700 - 2100 / day simply to maintain.

So the math isn't there. I feel like red-team Melissa from the Season 9 Biggest Loser, who wasn't losing weight and was then accused by Jillian and Bob of waterloading or game-playing. Much as that woman made me crazy (and I'll admit I cheered when she got back on the ranch because crazy makes for good times, TV-wise), I found myself really annoyed at how that was shown, as if the numbers were right and you weren't losing weight, then you had to be screwing up somewhere. Well HELLO, trainer-types. I've got every bite and sip that's crossed my lips logged, every exercise I've done is accounted for, and yet I managed to gain weight too.

And I don't even have $500,000 at stake -- just an arbitrary date of November 4, 2010 to get down to 130.

Thing is, and I've seen it written elsewhere, our bodies aren't like a check register. You don't just plug in the calories and subtract the burn and end up with a scale number. Other factors impact the scale weight, such as hydration, stress, hormones, or even good old-fashioned digestive issues (those Activia commercials are so subtle, with the downward flowing hand gesture). And I've got to say I had at least three of those going for me this past week.

The hormones and hydration are the most likely suspects -- my water intake wasn't as good as it has been in weeks past, I'll admit it. And my hormones are all-over-the-place wonky. I was "due" on May 31st, and am still sitting here waiting for that to show up. No I'm not pregnant. Choreboy is fixed, thank goodness. But last year the same thing happened when I upped my cardio in July -- I went 47 days between cycles rather than my standard 25-26 days, so I'm figuring that's the culprit and things will even themselves out in a few days/ weeks.

Also there's that whole perimenopausal thing which means my hormones are hosed anyway.

And besides all that, let's just say I could have used some Activia last week :P

So all in all, the stars weren't aligned in any way for me as far as losing weight goes.

On the plus side, my treadmill speed is up to 3 MPH on the flat surfaces, and I've got 5 straight minutes at 10% incline as well as 15 minutes at 5%. I'm going to have to increase the time on the incline soon, because last night I was able to read right through it rather than needing to just "zone out" for a bit.

I also brought my 10 lb. hand weights in from the car, finally. The 7 pounders are getting too easy for some exercises so it's time to kick that up a notch as well.

Let's see what next week brings. Oh well, at least it's not predictable!

Finally, and completely off-topic, there was some interest in my Second Life avatar due to the Krispy Kreme photos I posted in my prior blog entry. I have to say I do enjoy Second Life in large part because of the shopping aspect -- my avatar is like a grown-up Barbie doll, and the clothing choices are phenomenal!

You can go from businesswear...


to Victorian Steampunk....


... without batting an eye. And needless to say, fit is almost never an issue -- if your skirt's too tight, all you have to do is slide down the sizing bar and poof! Instant weight loss.

If only it were that easy in the real world.

Okay, time to fix the boys breakfast and plan out my food for the day. That stupid scale isn't going to win this battle! Harumph.

Krispy Kreme is COMING!!!

Anyone who knows me knows that the subject line is cause for both great rejoicing (for my tastebuds) and insane amounts of terror (for my jeans).

I have been griping for years that there's no Krispy Kreme anywhere near my house. I mean, to the point that when I blogged about it back in 2007, one of my friends from Second Life actually made my avatar a Krispy Kreme t-shirt.

Back:


Front:

But we just found out Friday that Krispy Kreme is finally opening a store HERE, in MY town, NOT a neighboring town, thankyouverymuch!

So yeah, both tickled and terrified would totally describe me.

The boys (of the work variant) are already plotting their orders.

Eh well, it won't open until sometime in the fall. Plenty of time to set up a plan of action. Right?

Right?

Bueller??

Oh I am in so much trouble.