Things I Would Say at Work if I Could

1. Okay. Look at the clock. See what time it says?

Yes, it says 12:40.

I know, I know, I'm asking for this by sitting at my desk, but the fact that I was here at 7:50 and won't leave until 5:00 would appear to indicate that I in some way might be having lunch, as it's between noon and 1:00.

As might the sandwich I'm chewing quickly and am about to choke on so I can answer your completely non-essential question.

2. When the copier is out of paper? You, too, can load it!

Really, I'm not so stuck on my job of running all the administrative stuff around here that I need to be consulted for the merest paper change.

Especially when I'm trying to get your timesheets faxed in so you can get paid, and oh, trying to pay the office's bills so we have enough power to RUN the copier.

You don't need to come up here, say, "I think the copier is out of paper," and then admit how you didn't even bother to open the paper bin and freaking check.

Slide open the drawer. Insert one ream of paper (yes, please unwrap it first). Close the drawer. When the copier says "Ready"? Presto! You're good to go.

3. When I say I don't know what the partners will say about your potential overtime charge? It means this:

I. Do. Not. Know.

Seriously.

Standing at my desk (during lunch, yet again) and re-explaining the situation repeatedly (while I'm trying to eat and am not getting paid to listen to you) isn't going to get you any answer other than the aforementioned, along with a suggestion you consult someone who's actually authorized to speak to you about these matters.

Just because I'm related to one of them by an accident of birth doesn't mean they share much at all with me. Employment agreements are not within my knowledge base; they are confidential agreements with the owners of the firm.

Of which I am NOT one.

*headdesk*

4. And for vendors I'm calling about an error on our office credit card statement, please note that when I say we didn't make any trips to the Dominican Republic and made no reservations there; and in fact, already declined this charge when called by the reservations website and CANCELLED the card??

I probably don't have a reservation number.

Because We. Didn't. Make. A. Reservation.

You. Twits.

Now all this said, yes, YES I'm still PMSsy if there were any doubt. I keep it out of my work life and just about out of everywhere except this blog. I consider it a poor excuse for bitchy behavior, quite honestly. My family, co-workers and friends of all sorts deserve better than Amanda on a Hormonal Rampage.

But I have to vent somewhere. And stupid people piss me off, especially when I'm in a compromised state.