Friday, December 11, 2009

Un!Ac!Ceptable!!!!

Oh.

My.

God.

I just got on the scale at my mother's house this morning, and holy crap, the news was bad.

168.

I've gained nearly 20 pounds in about two months. THIS is how I got to weighing 200 pounds back in 2006, y'all. The whole "eating as if famine is approaching" thing.

Now granted I know that if I eat well over the weekend and weigh myself on Monday that I could drop up to five of those pounds as I ate pizza last night (major water retention) plus I woke up late this morning and was totally off schedule with everything, so when I weighed myself it was with all my heavy clothing and shoes on...

But seriously? 168???????

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

You know, sometimes I feel a bit weird prattling on about my weight when I'm in what so many folks term as "one-derland" and in fact barely broke over that even at my highest, but the truth of the matter is that if the Elder son (then seven) hadn't announced to the entire grocery store "Mommy, you weigh two hundred!!!" in August of 2006, I might still be eating like I was.

Wait. I am.

But I could have done it without a break for the past three years, and well... do the math. I am fully capable of gaining 10 pounds per month. The rate of weight gain would eventually slow, but I could easily be much closer to 300 rather than 200. All it would take would be for me to ignore the scale for about six months.

I have to get this in gear. I have to get my eating straight. I have to get my butt back on that treadmill and work on Couch-to-5K because the only way for me to beat this is to make sure my lifestyle is utterly changed, and parking my ever-widening ass on the couch or in the computer chair clearly isn't effective.

And what kills me is that I can say all this, and yet there's a huge part of me that's still thinking "Maybe tomorrow's good..."

*headdesk*

No, today is good. I've got an adequate lunch. I've got more oatmeal than I can shake a stick at. I've not screwed up my eating yet today, and in fact even if I had that's no excuse for me to continue to eat as if all the food on the planet is about to disappear.

I have a treadmill and I know how to use it. Ditto the weights and balance ball.

I totally know what Susan means about the Crazy Woman who inhabits her head, because I've got one of my own and, damn, girlfriend's loud. She's also the one who's been telling me not to read all your blogs, because she KNEW that if I did that I'd be forced to get on the scale...

Well, I beat her yesterday. And I read over at Jenn's blog about her one day challenge, which got my mind going again.

I'm so tired of watching what I eat. I'm so tired of exercising. I've been doing the food-watching for over three years now, some months more intently than others obviously, and the exercising this round kept going for three months. There's part of me that wishes and hopes that I could eventually stop doing either one of those activities.

But I can't. So... one day. I pledge to eat well today. And I just "signed up" over in the comments of Jenn's latest entry to make it a 100% good choices weekend too.

I think I'll take a "before" pic tonight. If I don't manage to make it 100% this weekend, I'll post that sucker on Monday. If I do make it through, the latest I'll post the "before" pic is when I have an "after" pic I like.

The bottom line is that I can't keep hopping up and down like this with my weight. My health can't take it, and my wardrobe seams can't stand the strain.

5 comments:

Ms Snarky Pants said...

I will admit... I did kinda wanna whoop you one when you started whining about 168. ;) But then I saw that you'd gained 20 pounds in 2 months and I totally understand. It's so hard when we let ourselves get out of control to reign ourselves back in, and the holidays is the worst time for it! I'm pretty much just trying to maintain (and doing a darn fine job if I don't say so myself) until after the holidays are over, then I'm going to refocus my efforts and lose these last 80 pounds. I am going to get my butt back on the treadmill. I think I'm going to walk until january then restart the C25K.

You can dooooo it!

Jen said...

I've been a little lazy lately, too. You'll get back on schedule.

I need to sign up for another marathon so I'll have a goal. Goals help. It doesn't have to be a marathon.

Suzanne Chappell said...

Hang in there, Amanda! You can do it! I've topped 200lbs myself, and it isn't pretty! In fact, I'm not far off these days. I've been on prednisone for 3 months, and it makes me eat like a starved beast!
Oh how I long for the days of not having to worry about water weight, and where everything I eat will end up! (On my backside, of course!) I guess it's a good thing my husband says he likes a big butt! Cause, that's what I've got these days! he must LUVVVVV me so!

Mauigirl said...

I totally hear you. I had lost 13 lbs. back in the spring and then stalled...and gradually went back up. I'm now just short of the 168 I was at when I went on the diet in the spring. And it all happens the second I don't pay attention to what I'm eating and stop getting on the scale every.single.day.

I keep procrastinating about going back to watching what I eat because I'm retiring from my job at the end of January and figure it will be easier to lose weight then because when I'm home I never eat lunch and generally am more active. But by then I might be 180 lbs! I too could easily gain 10 lbs. a month. Sigh. I really hate this. But I guess I have to try too.

Amanda said...

Lesley, well... yeah. That's why I get a little weird whining about my weight at times :) Thing is, I've been losing the same seventy pounds since that day in August of 2006. I've lost as much as 55, but I've not been able to stay below 150 for more than 6 weeks. Somehow I always cave about then and dive head-first into a bag of chips. SOMETHING (my mouth) is totally sabotaging my efforts to finally hit goal, and it's starting to tick me off.

Jen, yeah, I kind of have to get back on schedule LOL. This is what happens to me when I stop moving and start eating. I'm going to stop by our local running shop and sign up for a 5K in April, I think. That should help me pry my tush off the couch and back onto the treadmill or road.

Suzanne, that prednisone can be a bear! Another of my friends has been on steroidal treatments for health related issues and has NOT been thrilled with the effect they have had on her weight. As for the weight ending up on our backsides, I've said before that I think I might as well just duct tape some foods there and bypass the middle step of eating them!

Maui, oh I hear you -- I'm that same way. If I don't stay on top of what I weigh (and there are times I will willfully ignore the scale, to the extent of not even going into the room where it's kept), it creeps up. Because if I'm not weighing myself regularly I can have all kinds of fatty, calorie-laden, water-retention-inducing foods, and not have to pay the piper! Well, that is until I finally kick myself in the tush and get back on the scale again.

Let's say that the piper? Is having all past-due accounts paid in full. Dagnabbit.