Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Marketing and PR

Disclaimer: I love Publix, and specifically I love the Publix Pharmacy. I get all my prescriptions there. It's easy, it's affordable, and it just makes good sense time-wise.

That said, it's time for another Open Letter to Publix.

Dear Publix Marketing Powers-that-Be:

I listen to the radio on my morning commute (Tampa Bay's Mix 100.7 if anyone cares), and over the past month or so there's been a new Publix Pharmacy commercial airing.

Oh. My. God. And you people paid good money for this? The mind boggles.

The first offense? It's done by one of those female voiceover artists who graduated from the the William Shatner School of Public Speaking where she was apparently taught to pause awkwardly, and then give one of those little half laughs in a semi-confessional tone to make it appear that she is Just A Regular Person, when in reality she is A Truly Dreadful Actor.

And then there is the meat of the commercial.

Kill me now.

[Note: text of the commercial is from memory because a) I don't have an audio of it close at hand, and b) even if I did... no. Just no.]

"My son ___ has always been a pretty healthy kid, but I knew the day would come when he would need a prescription."

Really? Gee, there's a shocker.

"I remember that day so well..."

Oh hogwash. None of us remembers that day because unless you've locked yourself in a sterile environment your kid has his first cold before he's 3 months old, and then you're squirting Augmentin down his unwilling little mouth, resulting in you then being stuck with the aftereffects in his diapers for days afterwards... not that I'm bitter or anything. But seriously, it happens so many times that the first blends into the tenth. It's just a part of parenting.

"After visiting his doctor we'd stopped by Publix to pick up a few things, you know, chicken soup, tissues, cough drops..."

Yep, been there done that. Countless times.

"When we were about to leave, he said 'Mom, what about my medicine?'"

WTH?? The kid is old enough to TALK? This is so not his first prescription. Good grief.

Anyway, more ridiculousness follows about how they didn't have a family pharmacy (with "oh how embarassing!" overtones), but then she got hit by a bolt of brilliance and realized they were loyal to PUBLIX!

So now Publix is their family pharmacy, it was a memorable experience, blah blah blah, and oh God will someone just make this commercial go away???

Newsflash, Publix Marketing Folks: people use Publix Pharmacy for their family because most parents (okay, humans in general whether parental or child-free) like to combine trips as much as humanly possible rather than making a separate run to a pharmacy. This goes quadruple if you're dealing with a sick kid. Come in, drop the scrip, grab the groceries, pick up the meds, and you're out.

Easy-peasy. Nothing "memorable" about it. And that's the beauty part.

Because if I can remember a trip to the pharmacy, that's a sign that something went terribly wrong.


Okay, rant over. Must finish actually working.


Tycho Beresford said...

Another good reason that I stick to audio books for my commutes. The commercials would raise my blood pressure faster than the traffic.

Amanda said...

Yeah, I emailed Case with this rant (some of it is ripped straight from the email) and he got the word to describe this marketing type that I just couldn't quite come up with -- it's the "relatable" campaign.

"Oh look at me! I'm so relatable. You should do/ buy what I'm doing/ buying, because whoa dude, we are exactly alike!!!"

I usually turn down the volume on the radio as soon as one of these commercials comes on. I don't know why I've let this one play so many times that I have the script danged near memorized.

Must be some masochistic streak I've got or something. Oish.

Ms Snarky Pants said...

I don't know what you mean. None of my children have ever been sick. *blink blink*

No seriously, that's ridiculous!

Amanda said...

Lesley, yep. I hear ya. Shoot, mine were some of those theoretically uber-healthy breastfed kids, and both of them had ear infections in the first few months of their lives.

Ridiculous commercial. It's flatly insulting. Luckily I haven't heard it for a couple of days now so I'm thinking that maybe it's run its course and will just fade into an old, appalling memory.

Angel said...

BAHAHAHA OMG YES I hate that commercial! But then again most radio commercials make me wanna hurl. Thus the changing of the channels.

Ok I don't recall THE MINUTE that JB got his first prescription but he was 3? Maybe 4. With all the other crap he had and still has to deal with he deserved a break at that point.

JQ, yeah baby. Looking back I am sure now it was a dairy intolerance.

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