Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Chantix Again

You know, I'm really good at quitting smoking. Gosh, in the past two years I've quit what... four times? At least?

It's the STAYING quit that's more the issue.

So here we go with the Chantix again. I just took my first day's dose.

What makes me nuts about this is that there is so much I don't like about smoking. I don't like the cost, I don't like how it looks, I don't like the taste, I don't like the stench (I swear, yesterday after coming in from my morning smoke break I checked my shoes to see if I'd stepped in a dog pile because it was That. Bad.)... but I keep doing it.

It's icky. The heck with deadly, it's just icky.

Okay, deadly is also a factor. And I'll admit it's the one thing that overrides my fear of gaining weight due to quitting. The bad part about this timing is that in January I started my push to get the last 30 pounds off. I'd gone down to 147 back in late 2007, regained 13 during 2008, and just now got back to 147 again, giving me 17 more pounds to go.

But as one of my friends' doctors told her: You can lose the weight. It's a bit harder to recover from death.

All that said, I've managed to go into total anxiety mode over quitting. The second I took that Chantix I had the biggest "I want a cigarette NOW!!" feeling. Those of you who smoke or have smoked know what I mean, when your head is feeling slightly numb, when it would be wise for those surrounding you to tread lightly lest they incur your wrath and/ or tears, and you just know IF YOU COULD HAVE THAT CIGARETTE YOU'D BE FINE, DAMMIT!! Now why in the hell is that phone ringing when I am TRYING TO GO SMOKE???

And actually, I can have that cigarette. I can keep smoking through this first week and to be honest, I'll go ahead and have my usual "run outside, stink up my clothes, run back inside" break in about 17 minutes. But I don't have the full week to quit since I made an agreement with someone and I'm going to have to cut this stuff out a bit more quickly.

Bleah. Oh well. I maintained 40 lbs. of a weight loss over a year. I lost 13 lbs in 8 weeks (don't freak folks -- it's just slightly over 1.5 lbs a week and that's going to slow WAY down due to the standard plateaus as well as the quitting smoking thing). Time to amp it up and get rid of the damned nicotine.

I'll keep ya'll posted.

P.S. The good news? More crazy, wacky Chantix dreams!! Wheeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!


Tycho Beresford said...

We're here for you Ajay. After 28 years of smoking I last had one in November. If I can do it so can you.

Mauigirl said...

Good luck to you! You can do it, and can do it without gaining weight. When I quit for the final time (yes, it took me a couple of tries) I went all out and went on a diet and lost 25 lbs. at the same time! (It works if you're compulsive the way I can be).

Congrats on keeping the weight off - I gained back 20 lbs. I lost a few years ago so am back on Weight Watchers. So far so good - down 2 lbs.

Amanda said...

Thank you so much, Tycho and Maui! Here's hoping I don't freak out too much, although the Chantix appears to be grabbing ahold of me already and killing my joy in smoking.

Evil stuff. But effective.