Tuesday, April 24, 2007

It Seems Griping Works

I can go weeks between posts, months even... today?


Two posts prior I was whining about not having my test results back. Well, I have them back now. Cyber-whining -- it works!

Anyway, the results:

Pap smear? Normal; friable cervix and "polypoid structure" notwithstanding.

FSH (follicle stimulating hormone)? Normal; no signs of menopause.

Thyroid? Normal.

Pelvic ultrasound? Normal; no masses, uterus size, endometrial thickness, ovaries, fallopian tubes, everything is so normal the nurse asked me if there's ANYTHING imperfect about my bodily functions and structures.

Yay! And huh. Weird.

It's not as if I were wanting there to be something wrong, but I thought maybe I'd get some answers or at least a clue what in the hell is going on with me. I have hot flashes, my are periods beyond weird... I'm going to have to change that damned "prematurely perimenopausal" thingie in the title block... see what happens when non-medical personnel try to diagnose themselves?

So I get to go in sometime soon to have an endometrial biopsy. What this entails, apparently, is the use of a standard speculum (oh yippie), followed by the insertion of a tenaculum (described as a little tube with spikes/ prongs on some part of it) into my cervix. A pipelle (thin tube approx. the size of a tube of ink in a ballpoint pen) will then be inserted, which will cause cramping, and a sample of the endometrial lining will be taken and analyzed. The whole process will likely take as long to do as it took for the nurse to explain it to me. Perhaps we'll get some answers from that. Or not.

I have requested drugs. I had a cervical biopsy once. The doctor then (not this doc -- different state) said, "You don't need anything. It's so fast it will be over before you know it." Asshole. That thing HURT! I'm not going in there without some kind of sedative. I don't think the man wants me going to Hooters and knocking back a few prior to the biposy.

The one thing I gave them problems with was figuring out when to schedule this wonderfulness. They like to do this in the "luteal" phase of the cycle, which if I remember correctly -- give me a break, it's been like 15 minutes since I spoke to them -- is the week before the onset of my period. Question is, when WILL that sneaky little thing opt to show up next?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Oh, and changed the "about me" blurb. Heh.


Anonymous said...

Oh my. I think I could easily be talked out of going through with this test.

Try to keep in mind Drs. don't know everything and your instincts trump their educations. Don't aim for a cure, settle for relief. :) And good luck!

speed (whom enjoys your writing style immensely.)

Amanda said...

Yeah, I think it wouldn't take much for me to be talked out of it, but I figure if he's willing to perscribe a valium or something that I can suck it up. Shoot, just 1/2 of the lowest dose valiums makes me loopy. I'm a cheap date ;)

Doctors are human, so it's a given they don't know everything. But in my case I'm not even going to hassle my doc about it, because this shit? Is weird. I'm wondering just what else, beyond menopause, thyroid issues, or cancer can cause this type of monthly insanity.

And thank you very much for the compliment on the writing style! I babble on this blog, perhaps excessively, but it saves my poor husband's ears. For which he is eternally grateful, I'm sure.