Sunday, October 19, 2008


Note: Y'all, this post contains some potential hot-button issues. The point isn't to discuss the nature of sin, the point is how we as parents deal with things our kids bring to us. Full disclosure: socially, I am a liberal. So if you continue to read, please understand that my viewpoint is going to reflect that stance.

Enter the Gum Zombie:

"Mommy, am I gay? Because the kids at school keep saying I am. Just because I like a girl! It's just one girl... and she's not that big even."

Mournful face on the Gum Zombie ensues.

Look of combined horror and extreme amusement carefully stifled on the mother's face.

"No, sweetie. You're not gay. You're five."


And with that, the Gum Zombie skipped off merrily. Problem solved.

It's good to be five.


Being thirty-eight, on the other hand, and a mother, has a few screaminess inducing moments.

Arrrrrgh!!!!!! Good grief. I mean, I know at this point in young-people parlance that "gay" is the new "stupid", i.e., just insert "stupid" instead of "gay" in nearly any teen or pre-teen conversation and you'll have the same meaning. However, I am not to the stage yet where I can view this sort of thing with any degree of equanimity.

I honestly don't care in the grand scheme of things whether my sons are eventually attracted to girls or boys. I just want one of them to bring home a doctor to pander to my ever-increasing hypochondriac nature.

Oh, and I'd like them to be happy too. Ahem.

But facing facts, it's much easier to be "straight", so to speak, in our society. I don't want either of my sons to have to deal with homosexuality in a world that still on many levels would discriminate against them. It's not a choice, though... and so, like any parent, I just worry that my children will have harder situations to deal with than I wish they would have had.


Calling in the older son:

"Uhm, honey, do you know what "gay" means?"

"Well, I know that one meaning for it is happy. And it also has a bad meaning too. I mean, when I ask [the Gum Zombie] if he's gay, I'm just asking if he's happy."

Cue a rather smarmily-saintly expression on the nine-year-old's face.

Because, you know, Mommy was obviously born yesterday.

Cue exasperated inner eyeroll on the part of said maternal unit.

"Sweetie, another meaning for gay is when boys have boyfriends and girls have girlfriends. Asking your brother if he's gay because he likes a girl is just silly."

"Really?? Like instead of a girlfriend, a boy would have a boyfriend?"


"That's weird."

"No, it's just different."


And the nine-year-old wanders off looking vaguely puzzled.

It can be confusing to be nine.


Shoot, how else am I going to handle it? I think I did okay, with the exception of the fact that I'm now going to be That Woman Who Told Her Son What Gay Means Thus Enabling Him To Infect Our Precious Offspring With This Information.

Sigh. I give.


Jedi Master Daryl said...

Hmmm. Gay is the weirdest sin in the Bible, I think.

While many people in history have thought it to be gross or abormal, they don't think it is wrong.

In our society it has been taken up by the media. Their aganda is to get everybody to agree that being gay is okay.

I think that is a fine goal... if you don't believe there is a God who has said that this behavior and lifestyle offends him.

I don't personally see anything wrong with it, and certainly don't insult people for choosing that way. But the Bible makes it clear that homosexuality could be substituted with: drunkenness, stealing, coveting, lying, murder, etc.

It sure SEEMS alright that in America the media is pushing hard to make us forget the essence of this lifestyle offends God. But what if we started seeing commercials that we needed to accept the actions of the theif and the murderer? Imagine a celebrity on TV saying, "That's their thing, man! Just let them do it, okay? If they WANT to kill people, who are we to stop them?"

Then, we tend to foget a couple cities that were singed off the face of the planet a few thousand years ago by God, as a direct result of the wickdness in them. In fact, we take the name for the unnatutal act performed between gay men from one of those cities--Sodom.

Sure gives me the heebie geebies. And I have relatives who are gay. They somehow dismiss what the Bible says on the topic as irrelevant.

Amanda said...

While I wasn't going to get into the "sin" aspect, I guess it's a given :)

As I stated in my little pre-post disclaimer, I don't think being gay is a sin. From every reputable source I can find, being gay is a born trait as much as eye and hair color. But it's less common than a sexuality which results in procreation... which rather makes sense, as all species have a driving goal to continue producing members of same.

Less common automatically equals less understood. Suspect. Subject to suspicion... especially in early times when the population of the world was not as connected as we are today. So I think it's natural that earlier man held anything that didn't fall into the norm of behaviour as "wrong."

Note: I'm also not a literalist (obviously) when it comes to the Bible, so that also colors my perspective.

Even bearing that in mind, though, Jesus never once spoke against homosexuality. He did, however, hit divorce on the nose as being sin. So if I'm going to hell, it's on the basis of my divorce, not what I believe about whether or not being gay is a sin.

I have read numerous stories of good Christians who have struggled for years with their same-sex attraction. And in spite of these men and women believing it is sinful, they are still unable to stop being attracted to the same sex. "Why can't I be straight? I desire to be straight, I WANT to be married to an opposite sex partner, to have children, to not have this sin upon me..." and concerns of that sort.

These are people whose faith puts my own to shame. And I just don't see a loving God condemning a person for acting on the sexuality with which that person was born.

Promiscuity is another issue entirely. But a loving, monogamous, committed sexual relationship between two consenting adults? I just can't equate it in the least with drunkenness, stealing, coveting, lying, or murder.

And I can't see God doing that either.

Just my $.02 on the matter :)

Jedi Master Daryl said...

Good points. I am not much of a debater. Debatist?

Yeah, I know, we ALL sin. I am so sorry about your divorces. That must really suck! Yeah, Jesus was against divorce except for the case of adultry, which made it optional. (Now, presuming to understand the nature of God, I think that abusive situations from the man to the wife or kids is also an acceptable grounds for divorce.)

But, remember, Jesus said, go and sin no more (John 8:11). That is what we should try to do after Jesus has saved us, but is still impossible as long as our spirits wear the flesh. All our "righteous" acts are like dirty rags to him.

I'm not buying the "gay gene" for a second. Since I read a ton of books both for and against God, and for and against creation, evolotion, etc. I have seen just how much "science" can be tainted by what the scientist believes and hopes to prove.

Science is supposed to be objective, but since we are human (= flawed), some of our brightest minds often unconsciously or purpousely hide or fabricate "proof" of things that aren't true and make it subjective.

Think how much pull the word "science" has on society. To the layman, when the 6 o'clock news anchor tells us about some new hard to imagine phenomenon discovered, all he has to do is say that a scientist came up with the idea, and we buy it.

I have read books for a literal 6 day creation (the Ussher Chronology says God started creation on October 23, 4004 BC), with brilliant arguments, but there are great arguments for God created starting with the Big Bang.

Anyway, I love God, but still struggle with other sins. While I don't believe in the gay gene, I believe those people are compulsed to seek out the same (or some strange mix) gender, JUST LIKE I am compulsed to drink alcohol when I shouldn't. I do think too many things are blamed on the genes. Maybe I lean toward "nurture" rather than "nature."

What is your favorite genre of books? I know you read TONS of books!

Oh, and now that I've dumped my 4 cents... that is hilarious that your 9 year old tried to fool you with his meaning of the word! (Also fairly naughty of him, since he was more or less lying to you.)

Amanda said...

Oh I'm not much of one for debate either, JMD :) I just know what I believe, and state it. I also know very well that many people, including folks I like and respect, will have opinions that differ from mine especially on topics like this.

I listen, I absorb, I pray, I learn. I think the learning part is key -- when we get stuck in a rut of what we as humans feel is correct, that's when we can truly fail.

Plus I think it seriously annoys God when we fail to use the brains He gave us :)

So nah... no debate here. Just discussion, sharing of thoughts and beliefs, etc.

My divorces hit the thresholds you mentioned. Definitely warranted, at least in my eyes. I sure know how to pick 'em, LOL. Goodness.

For book generes (yay, normal stuff! Hee...) currently I'm very much into the paranormal romance stuff. Stephanie Meyers's Twilight and the like. It's fantasy melded with what seems like reality... just good old fashioned escapism. Beyond that, I like some straight fantasy and sci-fi, light mystery... really, if it's sitting still and bound I'll read it.

And yeah, I had to laugh at the elder offspring. Riiiight... I really believe he was asking his brother if he was "happy". Sheesh. And I totally cracked up at the fact that the kids were asking the younger one if he was gay because he liked a GIRL!!! Kids are just too weird. hehehe.

grace said...

I don't like debate either!! woo hoo! We all agree on this...'s another point for the "gay is sin" discussion...

What if...maybe...when Paul used the word homosexuality in the same sentence with all those other sins...he was talking about something that is different than what we are talking about when we see two men/women in a loving monogamous relationship???

hmmm?? what if there were some other things going on in that say maybe men taking catamites (young boys) or men going outside the bonds of marriage to pursue lustful behaviors with other men....and what if that's what Paul meant when he used the term that he used?

just an thought for the discussion.

It was a different time. I do believe that sin is sin and its definition or the things that have been sin...never changes...

Amanda said...

Heya Grace!

Yep, that's an interesting point and one I can't discount. It's just so hard for me to wrap my head around two adults loving each other and expressing that love in a committed, monagamous relationship being a sin.

I've been wrong before, though... and this is way up there on my "things I'm going to ask God after I die" list :)

Anonymous said...

Hi Amanda! :)

I'm late to the game but I thought you had taken your blog private and haven't been keeping up. I'm going to be very generous and throw in a whole dollar fifty worth of words.

To Mr. jedi master daryl, first of all, hello. I am speed and know Mandy from another board and have also met her in person. I got a bit of a shiver when I read in your post that the media taking up being gay as okay if fine unless ---. I have very deep issues with the media trying to shape anything! I may smile again one day if reporters ever go back to reporting the news, the facts, and leave their opinions and slants out of things. Until then, I will wear this wrinkling causing frown.


Laughed at your doctor comment. I have to say though, given some of the guys my daughter has found as acceptable dating material, I often wish she were gay. (Not kidding)

By the time your sons are of age, gay will be the new norm so don't concern yourself with a more difficult life than necessary should this be the case in one or both of them. The only thing that makes me insane is when a man marries, makes a family, and then "discovers" he is gay. That calls for some serious rotting in hell. /$1.50